…this morning I woke up a bit frazzled. I’d had a consultation first thing in the morning–more volunteer time helping out a friend. I have been dreaming of attending my hot yoga class for THREE DAYS, but every day something has come up to thwart my plans.
This morning I was ready. My 2:00 pm 90 minute Ashtanga class in the heat was begging for me to come and then…
…the phone rang.
The school had no one else to come and replace Sebastian’s teacher for her meeting at 1:00. I cried inside. I remember hearing a story about someone standing up at the front of a room full of women. The discussion was breast cancer. And the person asked, “Imagine that it’s the end of a loong day when you’re tired and you’re out of steam. You finally get home and just as you arrive, the phone rings. It’s your Aunt and she’s out of medication and would like you to go to the pharmacy. Raise your hand if you pack up your things, head out and go to the pharmacy.”
Then to all the women with their hands raised, the speaker said, “YOU, are a prime candidate for breast cancer.”
While this story stings and will never leave me, I admit, I’m a prime candidate.
But it has to stop. It will stop. I’ve decided that I’m going to start putting in new boundaries. We’ve been talking a lot about detox and that’s great. So I’ve been getting rid of some interesting things, people and situations in my life. But now it’s time to fine tune. It’s time to prune. I figure, what the heck! It’s Spring.
I’m going to take inventory on the projects, relationships and commitments i’ve got and I’m going to be staring at the wall and practicing this one word until it sounds sweet to my ears and doesn’t sting with a pang of guilt for not having done something or helped someone:
“I’d love to, but, No.”
“No, thank you.”
“No. I said No. No. No. No.”
I don’t want to be caught saying some feeble apologetic, “Forgive me but I simply can’t.” I just want to learn how to say ” NO!” to things that don’t make my life easier, better, more fulfilling. I want to learn how to prioritize me and not feel a deep-seated obligation or NEED to take on the burdens of others. Don’t get me wrong, here. There are A LOT of people for whom it’s a pleasure and an honor to help.
I pushed myself hard this week and took on a lot of “charity” commitments. Then when it was time for me to hit the yoga mat, I gave it up for something else, or someone else. But this morning, it stung a bit inside that I’d not been more careful about reserving MY time for ME.
So, I’m going to change that now. It wasn’t fun to marginalize my own needs, and so I’m going to make a new commitment to myself and the things I want to do for myself.
This week has been huge. The degree to which my life has changed in JUST ONE WEEK surpasses my understanding. I know some of you have been wondering what’s going on, and have been a bit curious. I’m not trying to leave you all with a mystery sandwich, but some things are better left unsaid. The situation is simply that I was operating with a set of beliefs that I thought were “right”. I was supporting a group of people that I thought were “right”. I was investing an enormous amount of time and money in an organization that I thought was “right”.
Then I found out a few things that felt very, very “wrong” to me about this group, and was faced with the need to confront a very different set of beliefs and an entire restructuring of what life was all about for me. It certainly falls under the category of spiritual self-development. But that’s as much as I care to say about this.
It hasn’t been painful or difficult. Just… well, reality-shattering. I’m not struggling and there’s nothing to “worry” about. I tend to respond fairly well to big changes, but this one did kinda knock the wind out of me for a couple days. I hope you’ve noticed, I’ve not completely lost my sparkle or love of life. If anything, it has only grown deeper. My appreciation, my humility, my willingness to accept my place in this cosmic web of Life has taken on a new shape.
I like it. It’s different and requires some getting used to, but I like it a lot.
So back to what I was saying, it’s been a big week with a lot to process, so I’m going to be gentle with myself and allow a bit of restructuring to happen on a gradient. But I’m also going to be tough about prioritizing the things that matter the most to ME! I’m all for giving and doing things that make the world a better place, but I think I’ll make the world a better place when I feel a stronger ME. I don’t hide my spirit of generosity, but I think the amount of nobility in self-sacrifice is overrated.
So these new changes will start with me waking up early enough tomorrow morning to take the time I need to make myself a few quarts of green juice for my day. I loooove my green smooothie jugs and I just want to sip some soothing greens for my day tomorrow as much as I can.
That’s it. That’s all. The inspiration bucket is empty.;-)
Not true. But this Chica has a date with a juicer tomorrow morning, so I need to get some sleep.
I have done 3 BES ’s so far, as well as several 7 - day diva detoxes, which have all been really awesome. Turning to raw food has changed my life in so many positive ways, and you have played quite a big part on my journey. I’ve never had the guts to just say thank you, so this is my chance. Thank you SO much for all the uplifting emails, teleseminars and all the love that shines through everything you do. You are an inspiration! Keep up the amazing work!
You know, stuff like this just makes my day. So, if YOU are trying to build up the “guts” to tell me how the things I do around here makes your life better, then you need to know that if I were a car, these messages are my feul! Dish it up, sister. THESE are the things that make my Day!
Speaking of which, here’s another one that tickled my glee button:
You are amazing and have brought such an experience into my life! I LOVE green smoothies! I haven’t been perfect, but I have replaced at least 2 meals with a green smoothie every day of the challenge and eat a huge salad for the last meal (I feel the need to chew something solid). I am very pleased with myself, as I only just recently gave up meat and dairy. I’ve always eaten what I thought was healthy, but it’s been such a journey to figure out what is actually good for my body.
About a month ago I decided to give up meat completely. I gave up dairy after I gave birth (my baby is 8 months and she is amazing!) because it was giving me digestive problems, and since going vegan I have not had any problems at all! I’m not completely raw, but I am vegan and after listening to Dr. Ritamarie I am cutting back on gluten. I’m trying to take things one step at a time, but I have felt such an improvement in how I feel. I have starting eating vegetables that I’ve never even tasted before!
I know that I will continue making green smoothies, and I am going to start making the soups and juices you sent out. I really want to thank you for all your support and your wealth of information. I am also looking forward to feeding my family a vegan (and mostly raw) diet. It is so worth the health benefits that we will all get.
And I am asking for a good food processor for my birthday (my blender leaves lots of chunks, oh well!).
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Kate
And with bliss bubbles popping inside me, I leave you for dreaming.