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Who I am, and who I want to be.

Posted Jul 07 2010 12:00am
Renos continue here. Addie just had her second bout of hand, foot & mouth disease (last one was during our vacay to Florida in November). It's so hot I truly think an egg would cook on the driveway in less than 30 seconds, which was what I thought of doing for dinner the other night when we had a massive blackout in Toronto. Every day I shuffle piles of stuff from one location to another: This is my current version of "reno tidying." Basically, life is cruising along but I feel a little like I'm getting nowhere.

So I started thinking of what life looks like (REALITY) and what I *wish* it looked like (FANTASY). Before I post my list, I will preface this by saying that this isn't some kind of cry for help (or a plea for nice comments to bolster me). It's simply a reflection of where things are at, and probably the most honest post I've done for a while. So here we go...

Renos: FANTASY
I see painted walls, and perfectly hung pictures, and matching linens, with everything in its proper place. The dust is gone. The floors sparkle. Shoes are lined up INSIDE the closet. The laundry practically puts itself away...

Renos: REALITY
Addie, being ever so helpful, picked up a drywall nail for me today. I tripped over one of my shoes, lying in the hall, and almost took a header into the stairs. Pulled out the box of salt from the cupboard and found it had a thick layer of reno dust/debris on it (and I didn't bother to clean it off). I couldn't find toothpaste the other day (we're using our basement bathroom right now) so I used Addie's baby toothpaste instead. There is not one room that is finished. But man, will it be awesomely perfect when it's all done : )

Work: FANTASY
Everything I get to do is engaging and challenging. I'm turning work away that I only WISH I had time for. My office is peaceful and a place I can focus. I work one day a week at a cute little coffee shop near my house, and sip lattes while I perform word wizardry. I close my laptop at 4pm, and don't open it again until 9am the next day.

Work: REALITY
Being away from home for 6 weeks and being on kid duty 100% of the time meant I had to cut back on work, and the building phase of my little business came to a halt. I did some work, but most of my time was spent being mommy (which did have its own perks). Now that I'm back I need to remind people I'm here. Work is starting to flow again, but of course not fast enough for my Type A personality. I work at the kitchen table right now, which is also home to our massive (new) bathroom mirror, a phone modem, and mail from the last 2 months. I seem to be on my computer WAY too much at night.

Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner: FANTASY
I sit down on the weekend, with a cold glass of lemonade and create a delicious meal plan for the week from my LCBO Food & Drink magazines, and my favourite cookbooks. Addie plays happily in her new sandbox in the backyard and Adam enjoys a run. We all sit down to eat together, at our dining room table and at 6pm, and I've actually set the places with cutlery AND napkins. Breakfast means coffee has been set to brew the night before, and muffins come straight out of the oven. Lunch is always salad - but delicious salads, like the Cobb variety. Our food is organic (most of the time) and tasty (all of the time).

Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner: REALITY
I manage to buy most produce organic, but tonight we're having (frozen) perogies out of the bag and salad. Addie is having leftovers from last night, and there's about a 2% chance we'll all eat together at the table. There's a 60% chance that Treehouse will come on at some point during her meal (this kid will not sit still and sometimes Treehouse helps get us through), and I can almost guarantee (99%) that Adam and I won't eat until 8pm. Oh, and Addie had vanilla pudding for breakfast today - I'll blame the hand, foot and mouth for making her more sensitive and needing bland, soft (sweet tooth) foods.

Life outside of renos, being a mom, and work:
FANTASY
I have one.

Life outside of renos, being a mom, and work:
REALITY
The odd night out is what we can muster. And for now, that's good enough.

I know this probably sounds all "woe is me", but that honestly (honest) wasn't the point of this post. I also realize my FANTASY points are in the realm of being ridiculous (who bakes muffins every day for breakfast?!?), but in my opinion, it's all about vision. I can see all that stuff (watered down slightly to take into account real life), most of it in the not so distant future, but I'm just so damn impatient.

And so I wait.
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