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Whatever YOU think the time table should be; don't count on it!

Posted Oct 21 2008 12:20am
     OK, I admit it....I just have to chuckle to myself when someone says they want to be pregnant by, say, the new year or by their next birthday or before their 5 year old is out of kindergarten....or they would like to be matched by next month so they can hit that next cycle or better yet, have a transfer in 2 months.... Please realize that in the world of A.R.T.  it truly is an art form! A delicate dance with many partners. First, you have to find that perfect couple or surrogate (your full time partner for this dance), then you have to meet the RE and have all the clinical testing done in order to be cleared for the IVF procedure. There is a visit to the psychologist as well. From there, contracts have to be drawn up, agreed upon and signed...and don't forget that all of these professionals have their own time tables! If an egg donor is included in this waltz around the room, then HER cycle needs to be taken into consideration...and lets see, the clinic may "batch you" which means that they only perform transfers one week during the month...and maybe not in December or July. (perhaps closed for vacations, holidays and lab cleanings) And then there are the unplanned situations that may arise during all of this 'scheduling' like a death in the family, the ED didn't stimulate well, the frozen embryos all died during the thaw, a polyp was found during the mock transfer and needs to be removed, a failed transfer, and so on and so forth.
     A note on my personal experiences: For my first surrogacy we signed contracts in 1998 and I gave birth to twins in March of 2000 and for my second surrogacy I wanted to retire from being a surrogate by the time I was 40. I met my couple at age 39 and ended up giving birth to their twins shortly after I turned 41.
     The best way to protect yourself from continual frustration is not to have any time expectations. I don't mean allow people to drag their feet or for situations to continue to go unresolved but to move forward at a steady pace, together. Keep in close contact with everyone involved and try to have an idea of the issues that may pop up or slow down the process. Work on each phase of your ART journey without jumping too far ahead of yourself. Be aware of everyone else's time constraints and the future will take care of itself!
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