After 3 years, our infertility journey is finally moving forward!
I’ve had this post sitting in my drafts folder for almost two months now, trying to figure out the best way to post this news. If I should post about this news at all. I know, it sounds funny that I wouldn’t want to talk about my journey but when suddenly faced with forward momentum, I clammed up.
I’ve been waiting to write about this for a couple of reasons. First, we wanted to make sure that everyone was on board: there are a lot of players to our story behind the scenes, and we wanted to make sure that everyone was comfortable with this arrangement.
Which brings me to my second bit of news…
Our egg donor is known to us.
I’ve been keeping so quiet about this because of that very relationship. Our donor is a friend to us, one who understands that my blog and my writing are my livelihood. She, and all the key players in her life to whom she’s disclosed about her decision, understand that in a lot of ways, I kind of need to write about my personal infertility journey. Which means, inevitably, writing about our egg donor.
And she’s totally cool with that. She’s even comfortable if I choose to write about her by name.
Interestingly enough, I’m not comfortable sharing her name or any details other than that we know her, we’re friends with her, and that she’s been gracious enough to make such an incredible, altruistic offer to us, one for which we’re deeply grateful.
It really is hard to put into words how grateful we are and touched we have been by her offer and commitment.
. . .
There are those who know us, who read this blog, and may be scratching their heads wondering who our egg donor may be.
This fact is known within a pretty small circle: us, our donor, her network of key players (and yes, I’m remaining intentionally vague about that), my parents, my in-laws, and my sister. There may be a handful of other friends who know specifics but I can’t remember who we have and have not told specifically, to be honest.
And if we don’t tell you, it’s nothing personal.
You might be wondering, “Why all the secrecy?”, whether you know me personally or not.
Well, it’s not secrecy. It’s a little more intricate than that. And that’s the other reason I’ve waited so long to announce this.
. . .
Nancy Docktor is an RNCS and therapist in private practice in Massachusetts. She often presents for RESOLVE New England, and at her When is Enough, Enough? program last October, she had this beautiful, insightful gem to share with the group:
“Secrets imply shame. That’s why we should think about being as open as possible with our future children. You decide who gets to know your child’s conception story. Privacy is not the same thing as secrecy.”
We’re not keeping secrets from anyone because we’re certainly not ashamed about pursuing donor egg IVF or ashamed of who our donor is. Far from it.
We just choose to be private about with whom we share that information. As far as Larry and I are concerned, the only people who really need to know who our egg donor is includes that list I mentioned a few paragraphs above, and our future child(ren).
So like I said, it’s nothing personal if you know me. And even if you don’t, and if you’ve been reading this blog for a long time, you know I disclose and talk about just about everything on this blog. I live my life pretty much as an open book but on this one thing… this we’re keeping private.
I know I don’t have to hope you’ll respect that; I know you will
. . .
So what does this mean? What’s next?
First things first: I’ve finally scheduled my effing hysteroscopy for May 10th. I am trying desperately trying not to freak out about this procedure, because I am terrified of scheduled surgery. So, I’ve got that goin’ on for me.
Next, we need to get mental health consultations. Larry and I will meet with a mental health professional. Our egg donor will meet with the same mental health professional. Then all three of us meet and hopefully, the mental health professional gives us the mental health greenlight.
Our egg donor needs to complete a ton of testing, as is normal for any donor egg cycle. I need to get my thyroid reined in. It’s out of control right now and as I mentioned before , anti-thyroid antibodies could potentially go after an embryo, so I need to get them out of my system and how.
I also need to drop some more weight. For whatever reason, donor egg recipients have a higher chance of gestational diabetes. So do overweight women who are pregnant, in general, even without IVF. I’ve lost 13 pounds since December. I would ideally, like to lose another 12. If I can manage to lose at least 10% of my old body weight, I’ll still be vastly overweight but a helluva lot better than I was. I’m halfway there.
Timeline-wise, we’re shooting to transfer mid to late August, which means cycling mid to late July.
. . .
Wow, this just got real.
Did I mention that I’m totally awesomesauce amazeballs excited?!
Because I totally am!
So excited this warrants a smile, wink AND a grin:
Not to count our chickens before they’re hatched or anything, but I’m already making the Jumbotron reservations now at stadiums around the country for our hopeful pregnancy announcement
Seriously, it feels incredible that our journey is moving forward. And it’s April already, so that means August will be here before we know it.
I have a lot of other thoughts to post about all of this, but I’ll save them for separate posts this week about why we (and more specifically I) decided to go with a known donor despite being hesitant about it before.