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We don't want to know you: Anonymous Surrogacy

Posted Oct 25 2008 1:16am
     Is there such an animal as a surrogacy arrangement where you never meet the Intended Parents? OR the Intended Parents never meet their Surrogate? (same question, really, but I couldn't resist!) Maybe the better question is should there be Anonymous Surrogacy offered at all? While many out there in the USA ( it seems) are screaming 'Surrogates are only doing it for the money' and 'surrogacy equals supplemental income' , women in other parts of the world ARE agreeing to surrogacy arrangements where they have no clue who they are carrying a baby for. They don't know if the Intended parents are a married couple, single, a gay couple, male, female, or a medical institution needing some 'body' to carry a hybrid baby. (ok, the Robin Cook side of me is coming out but you get the point, right?) They NEVER MEET the people they are pregnant for! So why are those women surrogates at all. I will give you ONE GUESS! If your first thought was MONEY then you are smarter then a 5th grader!
     ...and what's so bad about being Intended Parents who never meet their Surrogate Mother? I know that some IP's want total detachment from the woman carrying their baby which might make it easier if anything awful happens to her or the unborn baby during the process. (Therefore protecting themselves from further disappointment.)  However that buffer doesn't allow them to experience the joys of the pregnancy either. The excitement of the transfer, the wonder of the first ultrasound where they personally can see the heart beat of their baby to be. The option to attend OB appointments and being at that special ultrasound that shows the sex of their baby. Communicating with their surrogate so she can tell them, in her own words, how she is feeling and hear the happiness in her voice as she shares the joy of carrying that special child for her Intended Parents. I am wondering if these Intended Parents, who have opted to go to, say, India, and not meet the woman who will be carrying their child, question why she wanted to be surrogate in the first place. And once the conclusion is reached: "for the money " the next question might be what is her incentive to take the best care of herself, eat right, exercise, lower stress and keep all of her appointments. I mean, she has no connection to the IP's. This is just a job to her....a job to 'get through' so she can get paid. Makes you think, doesn't it?
     I really believe that women who want to be surrogate mothers, (these women wouldn't even think of NOT meeting their future IP's!) whether Traditional or Gestational, have in mind the type of Intended Parents they will carry for or at least a dream of what that relationship will be like between the IP's and themselves. I truly believe this is the first thought....the seed that starts to grow when these special women are researching the possibilities of becoming a surrogate. In their minds, I think, they envision the reactions of the IP's when their baby is brought into the world and handed from surrogate to new parents. The beauty, the tears of joy, the completeness of two dreams being made at once, a woman wanting to see her IP's hold a child that she helped to create and IP's holding their very own baby and seeing a bright future that was hidden in the shadows for too long....and this would not happen in an anonymous situation.
     I think meeting and being involved with each other, IP's and Surrogates, is not only worth the 'risk' but part of the process that no one should be exempt from!
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