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Turning Points in My Infertility Journey

Posted Jan 19 2012 1:09am

I’m a couple of days behind in posting for Kathy’s Time Warp Tuesday . I had some medical issues on Tuesday that prevented me from doing much of anything (which I’ll talk about more tomorrow – in brief, I’m fine). This week’s Time Warp Tuesday has us talking about moments of turnaround, when things we thought were curses turned out to be blessings, moments that gave us pause to literally spin around and look at things in a new light. It’s a fitting theme for the New Year.

For me, I thought about turnaround in the light of turning points. I’m not the kind of woman who does a complete 180; rather, I take stock in what’s around me and decide on a new direction.

When I look back at the last nearly three years on this blog, I can see such a varied path. I can see the places I fell, the places I ran with abandon, and the times I simply walked in quiet wonder. For me, I can’t just pinpoint one moment of turning around.

1. It’s Time for Professional Help
In which I freely admit that no, I’m not handling my infertility well, and yes, I should probably go see a therapist. This was in July 2009, when I was at perhaps my lowest lows in dealing with the whole scenario, short of when I was first diagnosed. I saw Dr. S. for about six months after that post:

I’m at a point in my own personal development that I can recognize when it’s time to call in the big guns and get some help… I am way too angry and sad this far out from my original diagnosis. Read more here.

2. RESOLVing to Move Forward
In which I join RESOLVE New England as a household membership, in October 2009. What was particularly painful in this decision was accepting my fate that yes, infertility was to be our path, and we were going to need all the help we could get:

In joining however, it’s bittersweet. I’m glad I’ve got organizational support, but I’m sad that I need to belong to this group at all. Read the rest here.

3. Called Me Out
In which Larry totally calls my bluff. I had been struggling with us not being on the same family building page, in that I was ready to start treatment right away, while Larry was more hesitant simply because he wasn’t yet ready to parent. In December 2009, however, he called my bluff and I realized that maybe I wasn’t truly as ready as I thought I was.

In the end, if we’re ever going to be parents we need to be partners in the process, not enemies. Read all the drama here.

4. One Year Ago Today
On the first anniversary of my diagnosis, I appear to have come away a very changed woman. One who’s trudged through the muck to come out tired and dirty, but still a fighter, still inspired to carry on.

I’ve come to a place of peace, a point of recognition, and the moment to start taking action. I’ve mourned and I’ve grieved and I’m sure I still have plenty of tears left. But I’m done spiraling down. Read the rest of the post here.

I love Time Warp Tuesdays because they allow me to go back and read all those posts from the early days of this blog. They take me back to some incredibly raw emotions, ones I hadn’t necessarily forgotten about, but from which I had moved on. But as I look back at these four turning points, I realize I’ve made some major progress in dealing and coping with my own personal journey of infertility:

  1. I’ve become acutely aware of when I need to take care of myself. Whether it’s therapy, self-care, medication, or simply a good venting blog post, I know not only when to nurture myself, but how to recognize those signs.
  2. In moving forward from the support I’ve received from others, I see the need to extend that support back to the community. As such, I’ve volunteered to start a peer-led infertility support group next month through RESOLVE New England .
  3. Larry and I are more than ready to be parents. Now it’s just about working out the finer details of when we’ll select a donor and move forward with the donor egg IVF process.
  4. Infertility has changed me in a way that I can look back and be proud of the woman I’ve become in its wake. It has dragged me through a lot, even without having yet begun treatment.

In looking forward I realize I’m at another turning point, right now. I had started my own business back in November only to completely rethink it from the ground up. The next big turning point for me will be the release of my new website and moving this blog to its new home:

Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed has been good to me, but the title has always been a mouthful and I’ve moved away from the original religious overtones this blog title implies.

The Infertility Voice will launch in March 2012 – head on over to sign up for the latest updates. I’m still pinning down all the details that The Infertility Voice will have to offer, but rest assured, this blog will be a major part of it.

I can’t wait to share everything at The Infertility Voice I’ve been planning and working on with each of you, so I hope you’ll sign up for updates for my super awesome big launch day!

Also, in the meantime, I’ve jazzed up my professional website. It’ll be the hub for all my forthcoming projects. Check out all the fun at KeikoZoll.com .

What have been the turning points and turnaround moments in your infertility journeys?


This post is part of the Time Warp Tuesday Blog Hop hosted by Kathy at Four of a Kind . Swing by her blog today to see who else is participating and join in the fun for next Tuesday.

Time Warp Tuesdays

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