There are probably as many theories on parenting styles as there are parents in the world. I didn't spend a ton of time on researching them during my pregnancy since I wanted to see what would work for us first. (Plus, I was kinda preoccupied with keeping my babies alive, but that's a different story.)
I've briefly looked into Attachment Parenting (AP) after the babies were born because I heard so much about it. There were parts about it that I liked and other parts that I didn't, and I just wasn't sold on it.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, a lady from our Early Intervention program brought me a book on 'parenting preemies at home'. It
incidentally tailored Attachment Parenting to parenting preemies, although I didn't know that at the time. The authors gave examples of AP principles you can apply and the outcomes you are most likely to see. Well, literally every single example he was describing was stuff I had already noticed about Liana (who is a lot more fussy than her sister).
A couple of examples: She LOVES to breastfeed, even though it's so much harder for her than bottle feeding. It makes her relaxed and content. Also, the more physical contact (particularly through holding) she gets during the day, the better she sleeps at night. I could go on and on. It was like I was reading a book about her, it fit to the T. Needless to say, I was an instant convert.
As with everything, there are certain things about Attachment Parenting in general that I agree with more than others. But here's a list of the AP principles we are now practicing:
- Breast over bottle. The babies still need to get their two bottles of fortified
breast milk at night for catch-up growth, and I'm
ok with that. It allows me to get some sleep. But aside from that, I try my best to schedule any other times I need to be away from them around their feedings, so I can nurse them.
However, sometimes that can conflict with another AP
principle, which is:
- Let them dictate the schedule. That means if I need to be away to teach a class at the Y, I will not make them eat before I leave. I'd rather let them have an extra bottle that day. We've had to compromise a little here, since we can't completely let them set their own feeding schedules just yet. Because of their prematurity, they still need to eat every 3 hours during the day and every 4 hours at night. I do, however, let them go up to 30-45 minutes longer if they're sleeping especially well (don't tell my
pedi!!) and they can always eat sooner if they want. Also, I think I will always try and keep them on the same schedule as much as possible - although I have allowed
Amaya to eat every 2 hours without waking Liana - and then after 6 hours they are back on the same schedule. So I try my best to accommodate their needs whilst keeping my sanity.
- As much physical contact as they want - again withing my own limitations. This is especially important because of their prematurity. I won't go into all the reasons, but if you have a preemie, you have to read up on it. He talks about how "therapeutic touch" helps them organize their premature neurological systems, and I have totally seen it in Liana. She's a different baby when she's held a lot - much more content and able to wind down.
- We're trying to not let them cry. This again, is especially important because of their prematurity. Crying burns energy they need for catch-up growth and can reduce their already marginal oxygen
saturations. And for any baby, responding to their cries quickly teaches them the trust that there is somebody tending to their needs and will make them cry less in the long run. (I am talking about infants here,
btw, not moody toddlers ;)!!
- Many AP parents even have their babies sleep in the same bed, or in an arms-reach
cosleeper. We were too brainwashed against that in the
NICU, plus we have a pretty good sleeping
arrangement right now that allows Bjorn and myself to at least get some uninterrupted sleep. However, since one of us is always in the same room with them when they sleep, we are technically still co-sleeping. And we do nap with them on the couch during the day or early morning.
In a nutshell, AP is about being as responsive and empathetic to your children as humanly possible, and treating them with the respect you expect to be treated with yourself.
Sorry for the long post - but I have just been so excited about this. It has literally revolutionized our parenting and given me so many answers to issues we were facing with both of them, but particularly with Liana. I have a few more thoughts about the challenges of AP, but I'll save those for later. For now, let me know if you have any experience with AP, and what that is like for you.
I've briefly looked into Attachment Parenting (AP) after the babies were born because I heard so much about it. There were parts about it that I liked and other parts that I didn't, and I just wasn't sold on it.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, a lady from our Early Intervention program brought me a book on 'parenting preemies at home'. It incidentally tailored Attachment Parenting to parenting preemies, although I didn't know that at the time. The authors gave examples of AP principles you can apply and the outcomes you are most likely to see. Well, literally every single example he was describing was stuff I had already noticed about Liana (who is a lot more fussy than her sister).
A couple of examples: She LOVES to breastfeed, even though it's so much harder for her than bottle feeding. It makes her relaxed and content. Also, the more physical contact (particularly through holding) she gets during the day, the better she sleeps at night. I could go on and on. It was like I was reading a book about her, it fit to the T. Needless to say, I was an instant convert.
As with everything, there are certain things about Attachment Parenting in general that I agree with more than others. But here's a list of the AP principles we are now practicing:
- Breast over bottle. The babies still need to get their two bottles of fortified breast milk at night for catch-up growth, and I'm ok with that. It allows me to get some sleep. But aside from that, I try my best to schedule any other times I need to be away from them around their feedings, so I can nurse them.
However, sometimes that can conflict with another AP principle, which is:
- Let them dictate the schedule. That means if I need to be away to teach a class at the Y, I will not make them eat before I leave. I'd rather let them have an extra bottle that day. We've had to compromise a little here, since we can't completely let them set their own feeding schedules just yet. Because of their prematurity, they still need to eat every 3 hours during the day and every 4 hours at night. I do, however, let them go up to 30-45 minutes longer if they're sleeping especially well (don't tell my pedi!!) and they can always eat sooner if they want. Also, I think I will always try and keep them on the same schedule as much as possible - although I have allowed Amaya to eat every 2 hours without waking Liana - and then after 6 hours they are back on the same schedule. So I try my best to accommodate their needs whilst keeping my sanity.
- As much physical contact as they want - again withing my own limitations. This is especially important because of their prematurity. I won't go into all the reasons, but if you have a preemie, you have to read up on it. He talks about how "therapeutic touch" helps them organize their premature neurological systems, and I have totally seen it in Liana. She's a different baby when she's held a lot - much more content and able to wind down.
- We're trying to not let them cry. This again, is especially important because of their prematurity. Crying burns energy they need for catch-up growth and can reduce their already marginal oxygen saturations. And for any baby, responding to their cries quickly teaches them the trust that there is somebody tending to their needs and will make them cry less in the long run. (I am talking about infants here, btw, not moody toddlers ;)!!
- Many AP parents even have their babies sleep in the same bed, or in an arms-reach cosleeper. We were too brainwashed against that in the NICU, plus we have a pretty good sleeping arrangement right now that allows Bjorn and myself to at least get some uninterrupted sleep. However, since one of us is always in the same room with them when they sleep, we are technically still co-sleeping. And we do nap with them on the couch during the day or early morning.
In a nutshell, AP is about being as responsive and empathetic to your children as humanly possible, and treating them with the respect you expect to be treated with yourself.
Sorry for the long post - but I have just been so excited about this. It has literally revolutionized our parenting and given me so many answers to issues we were facing with both of them, but particularly with Liana. I have a few more thoughts about the challenges of AP, but I'll save those for later. For now, let me know if you have any experience with AP, and what that is like for you.