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the pregnancy test

Posted Oct 30 2008 6:18pm

This morning I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. Nevermind the fact that my period is a few weeks late. I suspected it was due to a change in pills that didn't seem to be working right in the first place, but after a chain of events, I thought it is possible I could be pregnant.

My husband prides himself on suspecting my previous pregnancies before I even took a test. So a few days ago, when he suggested I might be pregnant. I blew it off. Yesterday I asked my kids what they thought dad might want for Father's Day. Alex's response, "Daddy wants another boy!"

So when I woke up feeling sick, still lamenting on my lack of period, I thought, well, maybe.

During morning errands, I stopped in at CVS to pick up a pregnancy test. Suddenly I realized I liked the idea. I might be pregnant! I had a spring in my step as we passed Whole Foods. I looked into nearby Right Start and thought how much I loved the baby stuff in there, but we've moved passed needing things in there. Maybe, I thought. Maybe we're here again. I like it. We walked to the bookstore and I started talking to a woman with three kids--one who nursed right there. I miss this, I thought. Am I crazy??

Life has gotten so easy now. Two kids. No diapers. No wipes. No bottles. No fuss.

I came home and took the test. I remember the days long before Alex was born where I prayed so hard the test would be positive. I would turn the test to catch the light hoping for the faint line of pregnancy.

Today....there was only one line. Instead of tossing it away quickly like I've done the last two times we've had a scare, I looked a few more and even turned it a bit just to check before I threw it away. I sat down and realized I was sad.

This was cross-posted from Monkey Business, where Linda also writes.

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