After over a year of trying to conceive and, in the end, needing a little help to get the job done, the birth control after baby conversation seems so strange. But, in our case, it is a necessity. We never received a convincing explaination/diagnosis for our infertility. Although we technically have a male factor morphology issue, the role that morphology plays in fertility is debated among fertility specialists. Couple that with the facts that the morphology reading wasn't
that low (6% strict) and all of the other numbers are better than good, our RE was never convinced that male factor was our real issue. Which plops us straight into the unexplained category. I don't know the stats, but I do know that given enough time, we really might be able to do this on our own. Stranger things have happened in the infertility community.
So since "subfertile" is likely a much better label than "infertile," we have to figure out what we want to do after this baby comes. And decide we have -- unfortunately, though, we hold perfectly opposite positions. He wants to protect; I don't (I don't want to try, I just don't want to use birth control). Mostly we really do agree:
(1) We want more children.
(2) Ideally they would be spaced 2-3 years apart.
(3) Me + hormonal birth control = evil.
But then we diverge.
I feel like if I have the option of having the next baby before I'm "ready" or having to sludge back to the RE's office for baby when I'm perfectly ready, I would rather the first option. And if we never ended up with our "oops baby," at least when I walked back into the RE's office, I would
know that I didn't prevent the pregnancy.
He feels like we should wait until we're ready and not let infertility make this decision for us. We both agree that each baby should have their season of being the baby of the house. And neither of us want to cut that short. If there were no infertility we would, without a doubt, be planning on birth control. And Tony feels that this is not a decision that infertility should drive. Especially since we have every reason to believe that when we are ready, we'll be able to get pregnant via IUI. It's a path that makes me angry and I find annoying, but a path that is neither cost, age nor emotionally prohibitive.
Of course he is right. Of course we should enjoy our baby without the arrival of my period being an event every month. Of course we should be able to enjoy each other without thoughts of whether
this time we will make a baby. Of course this decision shouldn't be handed over to infertility. And so, in the end, we will likely agree on some type of barrier method.
But after all that it took for this one, the thought of protecting against a pregnancy is still pretty crazy.
-- Mya
So since "subfertile" is likely a much better label than "infertile," we have to figure out what we want to do after this baby comes. And decide we have -- unfortunately, though, we hold perfectly opposite positions. He wants to protect; I don't (I don't want to try, I just don't want to use birth control). Mostly we really do agree:
(1) We want more children.
(2) Ideally they would be spaced 2-3 years apart.
(3) Me + hormonal birth control = evil.
But then we diverge.
I feel like if I have the option of having the next baby before I'm "ready" or having to sludge back to the RE's office for baby when I'm perfectly ready, I would rather the first option. And if we never ended up with our "oops baby," at least when I walked back into the RE's office, I would know that I didn't prevent the pregnancy.
He feels like we should wait until we're ready and not let infertility make this decision for us. We both agree that each baby should have their season of being the baby of the house. And neither of us want to cut that short. If there were no infertility we would, without a doubt, be planning on birth control. And Tony feels that this is not a decision that infertility should drive. Especially since we have every reason to believe that when we are ready, we'll be able to get pregnant via IUI. It's a path that makes me angry and I find annoying, but a path that is neither cost, age nor emotionally prohibitive.
Of course he is right. Of course we should enjoy our baby without the arrival of my period being an event every month. Of course we should be able to enjoy each other without thoughts of whether this time we will make a baby. Of course this decision shouldn't be handed over to infertility. And so, in the end, we will likely agree on some type of barrier method.
But after all that it took for this one, the thought of protecting against a pregnancy is still pretty crazy.
-- Mya