So I had my saline sonogram, aka my “no pain no gain exam” and it hurt like hell, but I got through it by gritting my teeth and holding Nadia’s hand. After the torture was over, I was expecting my doctor to say, ‘Congratulations, the surgery was a major success and you are all set to go!” In retrospect maybe I was a little naïve.
He told me that my uterus ‘looked good’ that there were no longer any masses or major distortions. However, he did take the time to draw me a picture so that I could see what he saw.
Apparently, because of the surgery, my uterus is still slightly distorted, though far better than it was before. I looked at him with a kind of WTF face and he said, ‘what does this mean? Well, I don’t know.” I wanted to say, ‘You don’t know? You mean to tell me that I have endured major abdominal surgery, two weeks of excruciating pain followed by four weeks of manageable pain and discomfort and at the end of all of that, you don’t know how to interpret this very costly picture of my uterus? WTF?!?” That was what I wanted to say, but the reality is that I was feeling too vulnerable to say anything. I know that there are no guarantees in life, but since he encouraged me to have the surgery, I was hoping for a more positive result. I really was.
We agreed that I would call him when Auntie Flow paid a visit and that I would start the next injectible cycle later this month.
After the visit, I was not a happy camper. In fact, I will confess that I was on the verge of tears when Nadia—the eternal pessimist—showed me some sunshine.
She said that she heard things differently. She said that she thought he seemed very positive. She reminded me that doctors rarely commit to anything. She told me that I should take what he said in stride and not allow myself to think negatively. She said she felt good about the visit and that she was excited to start trying again.
I’m glad that she was there to lead me out of the darkness.