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Stay at Home Mom Vs. Working Dad

Posted Mar 27 2009 10:00am
I'm a stay at home mom. I find that label seems to give me less appreciation in my own home than it should.

I often get up earlier than the husband since the Demon Baby wants to eat. I'm always up later than the husband because I get the Demon Baby ready for bed every night (even when it's not the weekend and therefore not my night to take care of her.) And 5 nights a week I'm up to take care of the middle of the night feeding, compared to the husband's 2 nights a week. This is because he needs to sleep because he has to go to work. If he's working all weekend, he may or may not get up on his nights depending on his mood and how much more tired he believes himself to be than I am. So in short, I'm getting screwed on sleep.

During my 40+ hours a week at home alone with the children while he is at work, I:
  • Feed, dress, entertain, etc. the children (my primary job)
  • Clean, do the laundry, pay the bills, etc. (the housewife portion of my job)
  • Attempt to shower, shave, brush my teeth and hair, etc. (the taking care of myself portion of my life that is least important and therefore doesn't always get done)
Once the husband returns from work, I occasionally leave the house. I am gone anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours. While I am gone, I run errands. I buy formula and diapers, presents for upcoming holidays for the kids, and other things that need to be purchased. He could do this, but he "lets" me do it so I can get out of the house. The kids are usually napping while I'm gone. I'm pretty sure he just uses that time to play video games, look at porn and take the occasional nap.

Once I arrive home, I make dinner. He's recently taken to suggesting I take the Monster Toddler with me, since at this point he may be feeding the Demon Baby. Last night I did take her with me, only to spend 10 minutes yelling at her to get away from the oven and stay where I can see her. Luckily, my dad came in and took her to go look at the fish tank while I finished most of the cooking in relative peace.

He does put the Monster Toddler to bed almost every night. Every other night (or much less often if left up to him) he gives her a quick bath. Every night he puts her pajamas on and puts her in her crib. While he is awake, he's go and lie her back down if she starts crying. Once he's asleep, he'll get up if I'm busy with the baby and I'm able to wake him up. It takes 30 seconds, so I usually do it myself.

The weekends are usually spent with my trying to get everything that didn't get done during the week finished. He spends the weekends trying to get me to have sex when the children are napping. He also tries this on the days I don't have errands to run. He is usually unsuccessful. He tells me I used to be fun. That's why he married me. Somehow that doesn't change my mind.

I appreciate that he works and supports us. I just don't feel that he appreciates what I do. I'm tired and stressed and that makes me bitchy. It also kills my sex drive, which is at an all time low already. He wonders why.

Edited to add:
We took my grandfather off life support Tuesday. He's doing better than ever. He's breathing on his own without difficulty and will be eating solid food as soon as his throat isn't so sore. We're very happy.
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