Shell Shocked - Top 10 Reasons I'm Worried About Having Twins
Posted Feb 23 2009 11:34pm
Even though my beta numbers indicated that I could be pregnant with twins, I hadn't totally prepared myself for the idea. I remember being a naive infertile and praying for twins -- an instant family. And then Bo was born and I realized how much work one child can be...
As the days pass, I'm getting more use to the idea, but there are about a million reasons why a twin pregnancy scares me. Heck, a singleton pregnancy still scares me, but with twins, there just seems to be so much more on the table.
It isn't that I don't appreciate this. I do. I know that children are a blessing. But I'm also not Octomom. I realize that there are numerous challenges that face us in the coming months if we truly are blessed with twins. I'm not naive enough to think that just having children is a solution. We have to be able to take care of these children and give them all that we can. Which isn't as simple as putting a Lunchable in front of them and turning on the TV.
So, instead, I worry. A lot. It's what I do. And here are my top 10 reasons I'm worried about having twins.
Twin pregnancies have a great deal more that can go wrong. There is a possibility I could be put on bedrest. The pregnancy itself is much more risky.
2. Child care.
Taking care of one newborn is a lot of work. There is no doubt about that. Taking care of two newborns and a child who won't even be 2 yet -- well, that is insanity.
3. Outside help.
My mom is great and I really appreciate that she watches Bo for a few hours every day while I work. That said, those few hours always seem to wear her out. While she is very excited about the idea of twins I don't think she has really thought about what that will mean. Other than my mom, there is no one else to help. Sure, the in-laws will visit, but it isn't the same as day to day help that will allow me time to work (and breathe -- but that is probably asking too much...)
4. A Mother's work is never done.
I remember the frustration that built within me when Bo was a newborn. The fact that I was the one getting up at night, caring for him all day, not to mention doing laundry, putting dinner on the table, and working part-time. While Mike got to sleep and go to work. Work seems like a break compared to parenting. And it's not that Mike isn't a good Dad. He is. He is very helpful. But when children are born, Mom just takes the brunt of it. While Dad's life changes in some ways, Mom's life is totally different. Mom is the one who has to worry about where the child is constantly. Mom is the one who gives up her career. Mom is the one who loses her body for months (in my case, we're going on years...). It did get better as Bo has gotten older and even easier since I stopped breastfeeding. But add two newborns to that mix and it's obvious that we have to live in a place where Mike can be home more if I'm not going to totally lose my mind.
5. The thought of never being able to leave the house again.
How will I ever go anywhere? I won't be able to just run to the store with three kids until they are much bigger. I am not sure I even have the arm strength to carry the two bucket car seats, plus, with both of those, how will I even hold Bo's hand?? Ugh.
We've been both lucky and smart in that we've already started college savings for Bo as well as other types of investments so that he will be able to go to a good school and have a decent car when he turns 16. Money will become much more difficult to come by not only for things like college and cars, but for everyday essentials if we add two additional children to our family. I know that we will be able to provide the basics, but I have always wanted to be able to give my kids more than that. I want them to wear nice clothes, go on fun vacations, and not have to worry about where the money for college is coming from.
We will definitely need a bigger house. We will need at least 5 bedrooms (one for each child, one for us, and a guest room for the in-laws - plus living area for my mom, depending on what she decides to do). We will need a bigger eating area with room for more high chairs. I will need an office if there is any hope of me trying to get work done with three little ones in the house. Most likely, before these babies are born, Mike will be transferring somewhere which will give us the opportunity to look for this bigger home. However, bigger homes cost more money which conflicts with all of the money we need to be saving for college funds.
8. My career.
On the surface this may seem like a selfish reason, but truly it is not. In order to have all the money we will need in #6 to care for these children in the way that I deem appropriate, I'll need to return to work even more rapidly, but at the same time how on earth do I do that with three small children at home? I'll have to make pretty decent money to justify childcare costs for three children. Not to mention I at least want to attempt to breastfeed for the first year, which makes returning to work more difficult.
Until you have a child, it's impossible to understand what a gift sleep is. And we've been lucky that Bo has become an amazing sleeper. How on earth will I manage to balance the needs of three children, a home, work, plus find time for things like sleep, exercise, etc.? There will be no sleep. There will definitely be no such thing as "me time."
I just don't see how it will be possible to do anything with two newborns and a nearly 2 year old. I am going to be totally housebound for at least the first year. This does not thrill me. Not to mention the extra set of arms I'm going to need to acquire. And the challenges of tandem breastfeeding and entertaining a 2 year old at the same time. It should be quite the experience.
Everyone I talk to is "so excited" for us. And yes, on the surface, twins are quite exciting. But I don't think many people really think about the actual changes and challenges that twins will bring to our lives. Will it be worth it? I'm sure it will. Will I want to jump off a cliff at some point during this journey? I'll bet you $100 dollars I will.
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