Seriously... is this my life? Is this really all happening? Do I have some sign over my head that states that things must go wrong for me? Am I cursed? Seriously, I think I am cursed!
Question of the day: "Why can't anything go right?" (Except for you Honey, you are right... you and I went right!)
So, Tuesday the 19 th we had a CD 11 check. Remember we are looking for a 15mm to trigger. Left side showed ittiebitties, right side showed a 10 mm. Told we were fine the 10 mm should be ready to go by Friday (CD14). So, I go in alone today expecting to hear the good news. But OF COURSE NOT... why would something go as planned for me? The 10 mm on the right only grew to a 10.5 and I now we have a 7.5 on the left. What the heck is going on? Ummm... hello... each of these checks is costing us $350 not to mention the 1/2 a day off work, gas, toll for two bridges, and most importantly MY EMOTIONS and the feeling that time is ticking away! Christmas is inching closer and remember what I said about Christmas?
Since I was alone, I had a nice screaming match with myself in the car. It flipped from crying hysterically to screaming like a crazy woman "why me? What did I do wrong?" This lasted about 10 minutes, and I can only wonder what those in the cars next to me were thinking. But I needed it! I needed a good scream, a good cry, and a little pity party. I haven't really cried and screamed like that since the miscarriage back in May. Sometimes, it just helps! And today I think it has.
I was nervous what work might say when I told them that I would have yet another appointment Monday morning. All went fine (for now). I am almost completely out of sick and vacation time. So this week I am taking no pay for the time I missed. Ouch! Minus the emotion and feeling of udder failure, the only other problem is the money. So, I will say it again... IT IS ONLY MONEY, it IS NOT happiness. The money will come from some where and it will all work out. Someday it has just GOT TO be worth it.
Here is a thought from the boards I read about being in debt to start your family: If one of your children got real sick and needed expensive medical treatment to survive you would stop at NO cost to save that child...right? So why would we stop at a price to bring a child into our lives? These are our dreams and our happiness, that is priceless.
On a happier note Miss Elianna will be celebrating a Birthday on Monday. Big smooches to her! We will be having a little B-Day BBQ on Saturday for her. On another uplifting note, it looks like our anniversary WILL be spent in Tahoe. We had at one point thought the transfer would fall around that time, but now with the delays it will in deed not and Gabe and I will get a much needed getaway alone. Happy Friday!