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Health knowledge made personal
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Health knowledge made personal
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I know that this will not sit well with those surrogates out there 'going Independent' and who are honest, well intentioned, level headed and big hearted. However, you must know that my comments today are not aimed at YOU! My comments are aimed at Intended Parents and to warn them about those women out there, or men disguised as women (you can do that over the Internet, you know!) who are out to take advantage of IP's who need someone to carry their embryos. Desperate, trusting, "at the end of our ropes" IP's who have "had enough waiting around already and just want to have a baby"! What happens in this scenario is that when the IP's are looking at the classifieds online (and trying to save a dollar) have either posted their own classified ad or stumbled a crossed the ad of the scammer (BTW, the ad usually sounds too good to be true) and starts a dialog with that person. The IP's hear everything that they want to hear and start to believe that THIS is the person destined to carry their baby...but WAIT...there is a catch. She wants a $1,500 retainer fee! (or a $2,000 retainer or a $3,000 retainer...) just to "prove" that you, the IP's, are serious. So that She, your wonder woman, won't talk/work/consider anyone else while you are in the contract negotiations, or the psychological testing or the medical evaluation(not necessarily in that order), a retainer fee is demanded. Oh, and did I mention? This 'fee' is non-refundable! And, usually, there is no legal document that is signed by all parties or states any terms...why would there be? It's non-refundable....no matter what happens. Usually this person, this supposed surrogate, is talking to several Intended Parents and asking for the very same "retainer fee". For one reason or another, a few weeks will have gone by or in some cases just a few days after the IP's check has cleared, the woman either A) Disappears of the face of the Earth (at least changes all of the contact information the IP's had) B) Doesn't pass some part of her testing, most likely a fault of her own C) Shows a side of herself not previously seen and forces the IP's to reevaluate their opinion of her. She can easily do this by simply being slow to answer e-mails and phone calls and/or miss appointments where as before she was so responsible and dependable. D) Tells the IP's that she has reevaluated HER opinion and just can't move forward with "people like them". (I am sure that I am missing a few examples but I think I am making my point.) So how does one get around this retainer situation? You can flat out refuse to pay any money up front. If IP's look around, there are not that many women asking for a retainer. If it seems that it's really something that you want to comply with then perhaps a compromise. Maybe some small amount after each phase of the process is successfully completed. X amount after the medical screening, X amount after the psychological testing. X amount after the contracts are signed. This money could be used for time and mileage by the potential surrogate. I am not saying that this is a perfect solution but just one way that this sticky issue could be solved and make everyone happy and feel a bit more secure at the same time. And, perhaps, weed out those scammers! Sharon www.InfertilityAnswers.net |
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