I am not the most religious. I struggle to attend mass regularly. Maybe it's because I was force fed religion (specifically Catholicism) every day in private schools from Kindergarten through my senior year of high school. I don't "feel" it on my own. I guess I wish
I don't judge anyone'sspirituality. One of my SIL's goes to church pretty much everyday. I have a dear friend who travels the world on mission trips and spends a great deal of time at her church. I have friends on the other end of the spectrum as well. I am not writing this to cause a religious/spiritual debate (but if it causes one, that's fine).
The second I saw the second line, I prayed. I have found myself praying more these past two weeks more than I probably have since my ruptured ectopic surgery. I have prayed for the little baby to grow. I have prayed for patience to wait until the next bloodwork and the eventual ultrasound. I have prayed for strength so I can make it through this if something is the matter with this pregnancy.
I guess there is some guilt (Catholic guilt) associated with praying really only at times that I am scared. I know I should be a better Catholic, and I do know that once we have children we will be attending mass regularly. Until then, I can't promise that J and I will attend mass all the time. Hopefully I can find some peace spiritually that will help me make the most of my religion.
So as random as this post is for me, I do have a reason for writing about this. This past Sunday my cousin's wife who has suffered multiple m/c before having her two kids told my mom about a Saint that is the Patron Saint of Motherhood/Expectant Mothers. So I looked it up and here is the prayer.
Prayer: O Great Saint Ger. ard, beloved servant of Jesus Christ, perfect imitator of your meek and humble Savior, and devoted Child of the Mother of God: enkindle within my heart one spark of that heavenly fire of charity which glowed in your heart and made you an angel of love. O glorious Saint Ger. ard, because when falsely accused of crime, you did bear, like your Divine master, without murmur or complaint, the calumnies of wicked men, you have been raised up by God as the Patron and Protector of expectant mothers. Preserve me from danger and from the excessive pains accompanying childbirth, and shield the child which I now carry, that it may see the light of day and receive the lustral waters of baptism through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
I found this on www.catholic.org, and when I get a chance during the day of before going to bed, I say this little prayer. I do feel a sense of calm. I feel as though I am not alone right now.
I thought I would post it in case anyone else out there could use a special prayer. Please think of us tomorrow as I go in for my next (3rd) round of blood work and that our numbers are still doubling.