I have been thinking a lot lately about the dichotomy between the mom who I dreamed of being before and during pregnancy and childbirth and the mom who I have become after being at this for 15 months now. That ideal mom would still be breastfeeding, would be staying at home, playing with her child, baking cookies, loving every diaper changed and every book read. That mom would be blogging about babywearing and her pregnancy with #2 instead of Postpartum Depression and how much she enjoys being at home alone and how happy she is that she works and has a nanny. THIS MOM (me) really does love to read books (not children's) for hours on end and stay in her pajamas all day. She loves to go out with friends sans children and enjoy long lunches and cups of tea and glasses of wine. This mom loves her child, thinks he is smart, beautiful, fun, humorous and terrific, but balks at the thought of spending several days at home with him. This mom lets him cry it out since he is 1 and has put him in his crib to sleep since he was 10 days old. This mom has had to bottle feed since one week and has formula fed since 6 weeks. This mom thinks that her nanny is a lot more fun to spend time with for a child than her. This mom needs to stop feeling guilty about not being THAT MOM and move past the guilt, sadness, fear, and anxiety that wanting to want to be that mom causes and accept that I should want to be the mom that I am...because frankly, this mom may not be June Cleaver, but she's pretty good anyway.