Part Two: 2010 updates in the life of Atlantamom, etc.
Posted Jan 13 2010 8:38am
As I type this I consider my whole dilemma when it comes to the changes that have happened in the three short years since my pregnancy. Sure, lots has happened in my personal life, but what I am really talking about is right here on the web. When I became pregnant it was taboo to announce such personal info via email unless you like never saw or telephoned that person. Now, the MOST COMMON way to announce your pregnancy seems to be via the social networking tools we all (including me) have become addicted accustomed to. Each day it seems that someone I know tweets, updates their Facebook Status, or blogs about their pregnancy. Based upon the comments, both people they know well and people they've never even met offer their virtual congratulations and share in the surprise of the news.
I am not, I repeat AM NOT, pregnant. I don't know how I will handle announcing that to friends, family and the like when/if that time comes. I am praying that I will come up with a plan sometime between now and then and be able to feel comfortable with whatever I decide after the fact. But, I digress, that's not what this post is about.
Picking up on the hope theme from my last post, I feel like it is important to share what is going on with me on the "thinking about, considering, having another baby sometime in the future" front. And as a side note, I feel like I shouldn't be very nervous about announcing a pregnancy that hasn't even happened yet on FB when I am about to share some I haven't even told my family half of this super personal stuff here.
So here's the deal. I'm coming clean and I don't even have 24 hours til this is scheduled to post to chicken out. I have seen all but one of my doctors (Dr. Arnold will soon be back on speed dial, but isn't yet) in preparation for preparation for TTC. My OB-GYN is super excited that his prediction and encouragement about having a second child will likely be a reality for the Pulines. He gave me the physical go ahead to have my IUD removed when I am ready. Emotionally, we talked about my high risk for PPD recurrence and both decided that I am in good hands as a preventative rather than treatment strategy this time around. We'll monitor my emotional state throughout any future pregnancy and will evaluate options, including medication, if needed. Chances are I will have to have another C-section, though he is totally open to letting me try VBAC. Since I didn't dilate the first time and since L was HUGE, chances are that even if I do go into labor naturally (they can't induce a VBAC), I may not successfully vaginally deliver. Our plan, which is much more conservative than I initially imagined, is to emotionally prepare for another Cesarean. If all the stars align (baby appears to be 7 lbs or less, is head-down, I am up for it, etc.) then we'll see if I go into labor by somewhere close to my due date. If not, then I will have a PLANNED (can you say Hallelujah?), as opposed to "Emergency, after 46 hours of labor" c-section on a reasonable date. Trust me when I tell you that this Hypnobirthing, "I would rather give birth at home in a tub," Mama never, ever thought I would be considering any of this, but let's face it, my unrealistic expectations screwed me last time and I WILL NOT be screwed over twice, darn it! I have to be honest with myself ahead of time so I am not disappointed in the end. And, I have to be realistic. I can't have my hopes dashed again by planning a crunchy, natural VBAC if it's unlikely. However, this post serves as an open invitation for all the ICAN representatives on the planet to offer their (positive and helpful) insight into how I can increase my chances of VBAC. Heck, I am willing to try almost anything including voodoo like walking one block ten miles a day and eating cereal dandelion root soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Oh, and while I am at it, let this also serve as an open invitation to the La Leche League and all you other lactivists out there to give me support on how to make breastfeeding work for me this time around. (I know The Fearless Formula Feeder will have my back if I need her.) That is if you can...Figure out how I can increase my breast size so I actually have a breast to hold and position into the mouth of my babe instead of the air and foam that fill my 34A bra regularly. Predict whether my baby has a cow's milk allergy and a host of other allergies that include just about anything nutritious I can stomach postpartum. Determine how I won't lose 25 lbs in 4 days and go to the hospital where I won't be given heart medication that is contraindicated while nursing and have to bottle-feed my baby for 24 hours while I pump and dump with a hand pump around the clock to try to avoid mastitis which I don't do successfully. Insure that my baby won't refuse the breast forever after being given anything that looks like something other than my nipple. Guarantee that my baby won't weigh 10% of my body weight at it's birth and won't be hungrier than an angry lion for the days while I wait for my milk to come in, etc., etc. I'll stop here though I could give about a dozen more examples of the odds that were stacked against me the first time around, not including childbirth interventions that I fought against the first 36 hours of labor and finally succumbed to like an epidural, pitocin, and eventually a c-section, all of which aren't exactly breast-feeding friendly experiences. Look, I'm not defending my eventual decision to stop the pumping and bottle-feeding of breastmilk after 5 weeks of doing so around the clock on less than 2 hours sleep. But, I will tell you that no one wanted to breastfeed, I mean really nurse (at the breast), more than me. I had hooter-hiders, pumps, storage bags, boppys, My Breastfriends, and more nursing supplies than one can imagine in my possession before L even entered this world. Trust me when I tell you that it still breaks my heart to see most of that stuff never was removed from it's packaging. So, offer helpful advice at will, milky mamas, it's welcome here...just be nice, please.
So, where does that leave us? Well, for now, we are waiting to sell our house (we haven't even put it on the market yet, people) and buy a new BIGGER one, make some personal decisions about business opportunities, and get me fully healthy (I have been having some unexplained abdominal pain that I want to figure out before inviting another human being to live in that general area for 9 or so months) before we remove my beloved IUD. In the meantime, I have a lot of work to do to continue preparing myself emotionally for the journey that may be ahead. More on that later this week...