I had trouble deciding what to blog about today. I have a couple of drafts written that are just waiting for editing and posting. Plus there are a lot of things swimming around in my head that are begging to be put on paper. I've also been in a bit of a funk since being back, so maybe I just need to write out a therapeutic post. I think I'll go with the latter.
I've felt ridiculously disoriented and unconnected since being back home. And I'm not entirely sure of the reason. Maybe it's just because I haven't fallen back into my pre-trip routine. Maybe it's because my apartment is messy begging for unpacking and laundry day. Maybe it's because I haven't held my nephew for nearly two weeks. Maybe it's because I skipped on the social event last night. Whatever it is, I need to snap out of it.
A bit of the cause may be that I am overwhelmed with what must be done before graduation. While I wasn't looking, the end of the semester has sneaked up on me. Classes end on April 15, my final papers are due on April 30 and I graduate on May 11. I left so much undone when I made the decision to travel. Now I have papers due, meetings to attend, and people in my organizations to train so that they can do their jobs next year. I know that I can handle everything, I just need to figure out exactly what all of my responsibilities are and write out a plan of attack. It would also help if every time I checked my email, a new request was not waiting. Securing post-graduation employment would also be nice. Details, details.
This is going to be a TMI paragraph, so skip down to the next one (seriously). I think I also need some intimacy. You just came back from PR, you say? The problem there is that the accommodations for the first part of the trip was a bit like "roughin' it." Plus we were traveling with Tony's work colleagues. Thin walls and close quarters yells "professional" about as much as it does "romance." As for the last few days, when we were alone in a beautiful resort, the trip had already taken its toll. Tony was sick from too much native cuisine and I was getting knocked out by my period. (Still am, actually. I feel like I have the flu, but its just good ole menstruation. It chooses new and different ways to torture me each month. It's like walking into an ice cream shop to see what the new flavor of the month is. Only, the ice cream is presumably good; the sickness of the month, not so much).
Speaking of my period, I never got to mourn its arrival. Usually I have a little cry when it shows up. But this month we were traveling. I had to be social so I couldn't break down. And after everyone else was off to the airport, I was determined the last few days were going to be great. We were already battling the both of us feeling less than perfect, so I didn't want to add a sulky day to that. I enjoyed my time in PR, but now that I'm back home I need to have my cry, only I'm not so sure I feel like it now. It really only seems appropriate if the tears coincide with the very first of the cycle. Maybe I can find something else to cry about.
Like the cost of all this. When we returned home there were no less than 6 envelopes (that's an average of 1 per day!) from hospitals and the insurance company. Seeing how much all of this costs makes it feel so much more real. I can't really complain about the insurance though, they've paid a tremendous share of the charges. And we can more than afford what is left for us to cover. I'm still feeling unsure about what to do about the two HSG problem, though. I just don't think I should be charged full price for a procedure that wasn't completed. And even though I have an itemized bill, I can't actually tell there that was no incompletion discount. Unfortunately, there is no "regular price" and "discount" columns culminating in a nice "you saved today" box at the bottom of the bill. Do I call? Do I fight? Do I request an audit? Do I talk to the insurance company to see if they will pay for the second procedure a month after the first? Do I do nothing and hold my breath and hope that it works out? I feel amazingly ill-equipped to handle this right now.
The miracle: despite all this and more being on the brain, the insomnia stayed away last night. Thank God for peace in the midst of the storm. And after writing this post, it's clear that I need a good run, a good shower, and a good cry. I think I'll make that my "to do" list for the day.