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Number Five of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Being 'talked into' agreeing to issues that are fundame

Posted Feb 26 2010 1:00am
This happens more then we would like to think...we make compromises even after we research the issues. Really think about what you are agreeing to! It can make all the difference in your relationship!


Mistake #5: Being 'talked into' agreeing to issues that are fundamentally against your personal ethics/religion or life style i.e. abortion, selective reduction, working with IP's that you don't feel comfortable with, etc.
What you have to be careful about: When the excitement of meeting new Intended Parents,"clicking" with them and heading toward the possibility of signing your contract overrides your personal ethics, a step back needs to be taken! I have talked with many a surrogate who don't believe in aborting a Downs Syndrome child, for instance. Yet the Intended Parents want the Downs testing done. Does that mean that they will ask her to abort if the tests come back positive? Who knows. But if she would never abort no matter what then she needs to make sure her IP's know that. Although the baby belongs to the Intended Parents it is the Surrogates body...and no one can make her abort anything at anytime. As a matter of fact, no one can make her carry the baby either. Row vs Wade is alive and well in the Surrogacy World.
The lesson here is that Intended Parents and Surrogates need to be on the same page with all of these ethical, legal and religious issues. Communication is key! Don't try to please your 'perfect but for' Intended Parents....Don't rush into a situation just because you have been waiting so long to be matched or this is the first couple that has come to you...take time to think of what you want and then go from there.

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.

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