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Not Me Monday: Invisible Umbilical Cord or Super Sonic Eyeball Sniffing Power?

Posted Feb 22 2010 9:42am

As you all know from my recent posts crazy two-year old little adorable and sweet L has had some sleeping issues for what seems like FOREVER the last little while.  I have definitely NOT read so many sleep books that my eyes have crossed and that I get confused as to who said what to and what not to do.  I have also most certainly not consistently wavered on my consistency in using said methods.  Nope, not me.  I always remember not to pick up and rock L incessantly when he cries in the night.  In my middle of the night, I have been woken up for the fourth time in five hours delirium I NEVER, I mean never, stumble into his bedroom and rock him until I am almost unconscious myself to ensure that the little bugger is really asleep before I gently, ever-so-carefully tediously lay him back down in his crib (which def. doesn't have a tent on top of it to keep from him falling out of bed, which of course never happened in the past).  And last week, I did not do this so slowly at 3am that I tore all of the muscles in my lower back which incapacitated me and ruined my husband's day off from work as we spent it at the Urgent Care Center.  And of course, I did not pay my nanny to watch L so my husband could then go buy a new microwave and I could take muscle relaxers and watch soap operas while I iced my back.  Nope, not me...that wouldn't happen in my house!

So for three nights in a row (not last night though- we had a candy night- hooray!) I awoke exactly 100 seconds before I heard L cry in the middle of the night.  As I lay there trying to get back to sleep after I had gotten him back to sleep I began to wonder.  What is it that is responsible for this phenomenon?  I mean why exactly would either a) I sense that my son was about to awaken even through 2 closed doors and over the sound of a white noise machine that is set to a volume close to that of an aircraft carrier or b) L sense that I had awakened and take advantage of awake Mama to cry and get a little middle of the night 'nuggling in?  I've got a couple of theories...
The first is that all children are born with two umbilical cords.  One is the visible blood-filled one that gets cut right after birth.  The other one is an invisible infinitely long one that is connected forever to Mama and has super-hero like abilities, like sending messages as to when mom is awake in the night, about to blow a fuse, wants to watch only five minutes of TV or read a good magazine article at which time it triggers a spontaneous calling for her from child.

The other theory was developed by my former nanny.  It's pretty simple.  Small children have incredible abilities.  Specifically smelling abilities.  They can smell our eyeballs the moment a mama opens her lids.
Either way, I have basically given up getting a good nights sleep until either a) I am an old lady of like 95 and I live in a little house on the beach with my girlfriends and we take up smoking cigarettes and heavy drinking or b) I am dead.

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