I've been plagued with nightmares. If you consider being something happening twice being plagued. Maybe I'm being just a tiny bit melodramatic, but the dreams really were upsetting.
Yesterday was you run of the mill miscarriage nightmare. This morning was your more traumatic miscarrying a dozen babies nightmare. Yup, twelve, all at once. I counted in my dream.
So of course, since the dream yesterday, I convinced myself that my boobs don't hurt as much and my symptoms are fading. Are they really? I have no freaking idea. I can't tell. I just send myself to my bed and hope desperately for the best.
On top of my losing my mind, insurance companies blow. I had the husband call his to see what they suggest I do until April (when we get insurance, not March like I originally thought). They tell him that I should go see my doctor. Supposedly the doctor won't bill them until after I deliver and at that point we will be fully covered and they will pay for everything. The husband then inquired as to what happens if I have a miscarriage before April. Well, then the bills are sent to us and we are responsible.
The odds pretty much suck on this deal, but I made the appointment anyway. I see the doctor this Wednesday, the 17th if I'm still pregnant. I'll be 6.5 weeks, so it's pretty much 50/50. So if I'm going to have a miscarriage, it'll happen on the 18th. Cause that's the way my life works.
And, the operator added that I am not allowed to see any specialists. Ever. Even with full insurance. Like the time I had toxoplasmosis and was supposed to see the perinatalogist. Which the state insurance was going to pay for. If something like that were to happen again I'm supposed to cross my legs and hope for the best. The compassion is astounding.
So, this pregnancy has to be perfect. If it isn't it's gonna hurt. Well, it always hurts emotionally, but the financial burden may just be too much to handle. Somehow, when I had no insurance, being pregnant was cheaper.