My doctor warned me that my first trimester would probably be difficult.
I didn’t really fully comprehend what that would mean.
Most of the students that I encounter at the Prenatal Yoga Center are in their second or third trimester. We do have the occasional first trimester student that comes earlier, but it is rare. And of course, I know that there is a degree of fatigue and nausea that accompanies the first trimester. But, WOW! My experience of this time in my life is not what I expected. That said, I understand that we all experience pregnancy, labor, birth, motherhood differently. While there are common denominators, we will never all feel the same thing. This blog entry is a reflection of what I have been experiencing for the past several weeks.
As I write this, I am 9 weeks along. This particular time on most Tuesday afternoons, I am heading to spin class. I actually got off the couch, after accidentally falling asleep, got dressed for the class and then looked in the mirror and asked myself- “What are you doing? You can barely keep your eyes open and you want to go to spin class?!” So I surrendered to the fact, that my “pre-pregnancy” routine has to change. For a gal, who has managed her own schedule for most of her adult life, this was a big pill to swallow. I have always been a big exerciser and yoga practitioner. While, I still get to class (and already I am modifying my practice), my home practice has been embracing restorative yoga poses. I just simply do not have the energy for a vigorous practice. Again- surrender!
I have also modified my normal diet. Bye bye sushi and red wine! My normal healthy eating has gone out the window. For example, for the past several years my typical breakfast was eggs, veggies and toast. I can’t even look at the vegetable without slightly gagging. I have come to love and crave cheese and yogurt while most other proteins turn my stomach. My dear husband has been so understanding about my fickle appetite, and has not taken offense when I decide to have toast and clementines for dinner after he has prepared something already. It does make me slightly sad that carbs have become such a good, close friend and vegetables and healthy proteins are not invited to my dinner party.
And we can’t forget that fun topic of nausea. I do consider myself lucky that I have not been throwing up. But, OY!, the constant low grade nausea is not too fun.
So there we are. Probably pretty typical. What I have learned is to embrace that these changes are just the beginning of life as a mother. It is no longer all about me, my timetable or even at this point, my body. For years I have been inviting students to find their “inner teacher.” That voice which already knows how to guide us and will lead us in the right direction. Sometimes that teacher can push us when we are scared or lazy, other times it can remind us to take it easy and not be so hard on ourselves. Could I have gone to the spin class today and been ok? Yes, probably. I am pretty sure that I would have just been all that more exhausted later. I believe my inner teacher made the right call. It is my “outer critic” that is now learning to surrender and keep quiet. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes!