This afternoon, my husband was playing guitar for us and he asked "what song would you like me to learn?" Remembering the Wade Bowen concert and benefit for PPD, I told him "Turn On The Lights." He looked up the tab for the song and listened to the youtube version a few times. Once he felt he had the chorus down, he came into the living room and began to play and sing. After a few rounds of the chorus, he began to sob and said..."it makes me so sad...remembering how bad it was." It was amazing...I hadn't seen my husband cry about my PPMD before. I told him as much and he replied, "I didn't cry in front of you." To save me further pain when I was in that deep, dark place, my husband cried privately or to my parents, as he begged them to let L. and me stay here in Atlanta, while they returned to PA. You see, they had wanted to take us home and take care of us. But, M., determined to keep his family together, refused to allow it, and got my psychiatrist on board for me to stay at home, him to work from home as needed, us to continue using our nanny, and me to be medicated and seek a lot of professional help. You may wonder where I was at the time...I was utterly and completely unable to make decisions for myself and I knew it. So, I gave the people that I loved, my parents and my husband, the full right, in this crisis, to make decisions for me. I knew that they knew better than me and that I was not in my right mind. Thank God.

Today, even after bits of bickering and dealing with the daily and recurrent aftermath of a difficult year in my marriage, I saw the husband that stood by me, that never gave up, that took the weight of the entire family on his shoulders, and that still maintained his sense of humor in the Hell that we were living. I think I fell in love again...

Blessings, A.