Tonight it was me & my buddy Connor smiling & having some serious baby talking conversations. Jacob took the older two broom brooming, or in non toddler speak: go karting. I just got to thinking how different mothering a newborn the 3rd time around is compared to the first time, and just about motherhood in general. Growing up I had a pretty ideal, midwestern childhood - my mom stayed home & took care of the house & my brother, sister, & I in addition to some family friends' kids & my cousin while my dad did the 8-5 work thing & played/watched sports. I went into motherhood with some pretty dillusional ideas of what my days would involve. Growing up my parents made me feel like the world revolved around me. I had clean clothes every day, dinner at 5 o'clock sharp every night, never late to school, on time to practices, and always my own fan club at just about every game i played. I never realized how much physical, emotional, &/or mental work goes into being a mom. I now understand that my mom didn't only wash my clothes, but at least 4 other peoples' clothes, too & managed to fold or hang everything up! She planned all parts of dinner to get done at the same time & made sure we always had our meat, veggies, potatoes, & sometimes a dessert. She also taxied my brother & sister to their sporting events & cheered just as loud for them.
So what I'm getting at is a few things: a) I can never express my gratitude to my mom (and dad) for making me feel like the only child even though I have both a brother & sister. b) my goal is that in 30 years, or whenever my kids make me a grandma, that they will each look back & feel like the world revolved around them when they were younger. (in a healthy way) c) this motherhood gig is a lot of tough work on every level & not really what I had imagined it to be! I looked in the mirror today & had to do a double take. Did I get punched & not realize it? How many hours of catch up sleep must I get to have my old eyes back? How expensive will the concealer be that actually works to cover the black bags under my eyes?
Then I looked into my handsome little Connor's eyes (which are almost 100% straight 100% of the time, praise the Lord) and he smiled at me & my heart melted & woes of sore feet, black bags under my eyes, headaches from my hair being pulled, bite marks that mar my arm, & even the fact that I had just been showered in pee totally melted away in that 1 smile. I didn't realize it was humanly possible to love someone so much until I looked into my babies eyes. Of course I love Jacob, but the love for your children is a lot different. My question is; why does this revelation of motherhood seem so epic to me? Seriously, I hate that word epic, but nothing else describes this. I had an awesome mom, yet I hadn't a clue what being a mother really involved!
For the first time as a mom I'm totally satisfied in answering the job question with 'just mom' because I truly understand the magnatude of 'mom.' A lot of young stay at home moms struggle with that identity crisis of not being employed & really struggle with being 'just a mom.' I guess for me it took living in this role a few years & understanding what it takes to be a good mom to all of my kids & being able to meet all of their unique needs. It also helps about 500% that I have an amazing husband & best friend along for this parenthood journey. There's no way I could do this alone - at least not to the standard I hold myself to now. Every day my job brings new challenges & even though I won't see the 'finished product' for another 20 years I'm confident I'll have at least 3 children who survived my parenting :) (with as little therapy as possible) haha!
Tell me that this smile doesn't totally negate the fact he had just showered me, the wall, the changing table, & himself in pee.
-- Blogged From My iPhone
So what I'm getting at is a few things: a) I can never express my gratitude to my mom (and dad) for making me feel like the only child even though I have both a brother & sister. b) my goal is that in 30 years, or whenever my kids make me a grandma, that they will each look back & feel like the world revolved around them when they were younger. (in a healthy way) c) this motherhood gig is a lot of tough work on every level & not really what I had imagined it to be! I looked in the mirror today & had to do a double take. Did I get punched & not realize it? How many hours of catch up sleep must I get to have my old eyes back? How expensive will the concealer be that actually works to cover the black bags under my eyes?
Then I looked into my handsome little Connor's eyes (which are almost 100% straight 100% of the time, praise the Lord) and he smiled at me & my heart melted & woes of sore feet, black bags under my eyes, headaches from my hair being pulled, bite marks that mar my arm, & even the fact that I had just been showered in pee totally melted away in that 1 smile. I didn't realize it was humanly possible to love someone so much until I looked into my babies eyes. Of course I love Jacob, but the love for your children is a lot different. My question is; why does this revelation of motherhood seem so epic to me? Seriously, I hate that word epic, but nothing else describes this. I had an awesome mom, yet I hadn't a clue what being a mother really involved!
For the first time as a mom I'm totally satisfied in answering the job question with 'just mom' because I truly understand the magnatude of 'mom.' A lot of young stay at home moms struggle with that identity crisis of not being employed & really struggle with being 'just a mom.' I guess for me it took living in this role a few years & understanding what it takes to be a good mom to all of my kids & being able to meet all of their unique needs. It also helps about 500% that I have an amazing husband & best friend along for this parenthood journey. There's no way I could do this alone - at least not to the standard I hold myself to now. Every day my job brings new challenges & even though I won't see the 'finished product' for another 20 years I'm confident I'll have at least 3 children who survived my parenting :) (with as little therapy as possible) haha!
Tell me that this smile doesn't totally negate the fact he had just showered me, the wall, the changing table, & himself in pee.
-- Blogged From My iPhone