Yesterday was a fun day here in Cairo. The weather is feeling more like Fall, still low 80's and sun in the daytime and getting down to like 50 at night, perfect huh, I know.
So Monday started out with lunch with two of Super S's sisters and his aunt. They made mashy crump (cigar sized stuffed cabbage leaves) something I don't make too often (cause its a pain in the.... i mean really a long process) and his aunt makes them amazing so whenever anyone is making this we always get invited cause they know Super S loves it!
Then we all went to one of Super S's nieces house. She is leaving the country in a few days, so everyone was there to visit. The sweetest girl, I just love her! She's like 34 I think and has a 2-1/2 year old daughter.
But can I just say that it was like, um i don't know what to call it, but picture a roomful of 21-30 year old ladies and their babies. Their babies. Lots of cute little babies and toddlers.
I was fine, happy actually, cause I love em all- but that little bit of self pity tried to creep in as it always does. I swear I try to keep that shit in check, but its hard.
Then another one of his nieces, one of my favorites, said she dreamt of me, for the second time. At first she didn't want to tell me what she dreamt, she just kept saying "kheyr inshallah." (like, good blessings God Willing) Then why did you mention it? She told me. She dreamt twice that I had a baby and in her dream our little girl was 3 months old. Everyone was so happy and our daughter was beautiful. Thanks. Thanks alot.
Also a few weeks back a friend of mine from back home who lives on this side of the world too, sent me an amazing email, she too dreamt of me with a baby. And her dreams have proved to come true on more than one occassion. Again, thank you very much.
But you know what, yesterday as with a few weeks back I felt hope. I don't usually give much credence to dreams actually, but they made me feel happy and feel even more hope for some reason.
Everyone in Super S's family knows, obviously after our 13 years of marriage, and no baby that there is a "problem". They do not know details, but know we have an "issue." One of his Super S's brothers actually had their first child after 12 years of marriage, something they always bring up to make me feel better.
I laugh to myself when I try to explain IVF to a few of the nieces I am kind of close with, cause we are so close in age and my Arabic does not allow me to communicate what I want to say. They speak English, some better than others, but even talking about IVF with English speaking people who don't know much about it could sound like a foreign language huh?
Then I think of my Mom and my Dad who both know what we are going through, but of course they don't fully understand the IVF process. And why should they? To me its enough that they know we are trying and I don't want to get technical about it. I just hope one day I am able to tell them the end result of a successful IVF cycle.
Man do I hope. You know what guys, I am thinking 2010 is IT for us. IT meaning our babies will arrive. How cool would that finally be?
Gotta stay positive and optimistic, which is not always easy, but I am trying so hard to. Some days are better than others, and don't think my outlook is always this way, cause its not. Wish it could be, but as most of you know its not happening. After so much failure and heartache though I want need some good news.
So take a minute today wherever you are and think 2010 will be a great fresh start for all us. And for those us trying to get pregnant, we will. Ok? Ok.