Now I finally get it. Twenty plus years of gritting teeth as every sister, sister in laws, niece, neighbour, friend, associate, new wives of old lovers, workmates had babies and launched themselves into family life, it has taken until now for me to feel anything beyond that brief pang of envy before wishing others a silent; ‘That is great for them, I hope they are happy…..’
For most of these years, I was a lonely single without the resources or the self-faith to attempt parenthood on my own. For the last few years I have lived as an ageing infertile having wildly poor cycle results from five IVF cycles. The only real difference in my feelings about the situations has been the poignance of these last few years. First, I was without child because I was hopelessly single. Now I am destined to not have a family and I have deposited that future squarely at the feet of my beloved Wobbles. It was one thing when I had only my own self to console; it is an entirely different matter now this leaves two people without children.