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Let Freedom Ring

Posted Aug 26 2008 11:45pm

Thank you all so much for sharing your comments and experiences about acupuncture. It has really made the decision a no-brainer. I am feeling pretty gung-ho about going forward with it and will probaby make an appointment for a consultation before the big holiday next month. The only iffy part is the cost but I'm sure DH and I will be able to work out something - maybe as part of my Christmas present (that Kate Spade bag will just have to wait for next year). I will also check with my insurance company in the meantime to see if they will alleviate some of the burden of the cost.

Today, I've had a strange sense of peace and calm wash over me. It's not that I don't want this cycle to work. God knows I do. But if it doesn't, I don't feel that all is lost. I don't feel hopeless or overwhelmed with emotion like I have in the past. I will be relieved to get my life back. To do things I enjoy - things that I sacrifice as a result of my treatment and constant seesaw of emotions. I will be taking care of my mind and my body, without nasty side effects. No doctors' appointments (except maybe a consult with a new RE) or rendezvous with the transvag beast. It all seems so appealing. To let go of that stress. Exciting. So much so that it is a bit scary.

I am so used to having my life revolve around TTC. It's like being underwater for so long and now finding yourself drifting up toward the surface. You've been accustomed to the sea life .You haven't seen what it looks like on land for ages. You're not sure what the sky looks like anymore. All you can see is the light that gradually gets brighter until you completely emerge from the darkness. With TTC, you're so detached from the outside world. It will be nice to come up for air, even if it's just for a few months.

I'm ready to join the world of the living for awhile.

We'll still be trying - as in we won't be preventing. But we won't have a schedule or an Rx to follow. We can actually be spontaneous. DH has even mentioned vacationing in Paris. He had a sudden burst of inspiration while we watched Woody Allen's Everyone Says I Love You. I know it probably isn't financially possible. But this sense of peace seriously gives us wings. It's like we know we're about to be set free. And we can dream together like we used to. Let freedom ring.

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