Intended Parents: Welcome to the world of high emotions!
Posted Jun 05 2009 5:06pm
You have been through a lot to get where you are; there's no need for me to go through the many disappointments, setbacks, and letdowns the majority of you have had to deal with. You are tired, and ready for relief.
And you're almost there! You've chosen a donor – a beautiful, bright young woman seeking to help you become a parent! With this impending end to such a stressful process comes a whole new bout of emotions. Of course, when you are so close to the end, every little bump in the road suddenly seems like a mountain that needs to be mowed down with vigor. Any slight complication, any rescheduling of a doctor's appointment, any test that needs to be redone, is just another barrier separating you from your goal, which is finally so close after such a long journey.
We understand that emotions are running high. We need you to understand that the donor you have chosen is a young woman with a life outside of her egg donation. Yes, she has signed a contract and promised to take her medications, make it to her appointments, and abide by any other guidelines you may have worked into the contract. But please remember that sometimes, things outside of our control happen.
For example, a donor of 22 who has no history of health problems may have an unclear pap test during initial testing. This is a minor setback, easily fixed with a second pap. If that donor falls through due to these reasons, we understand that frustration builds; but sometimes it is best to take a deep breath and let it ride. After all, no one purposely gave the young lady an unclear pap, and no one could have prevented it.
Sometimes donors tell us they are available, and then have to change this availability due to school or work; obviously this can be disappointing, but we cannot strong-arm a donor into doing a cycle. Who would want a reluctant donor anyway?
It is safe to say you ought to expect at least one occurrence of an appointment or lab being pushed back, at least one appointment being missed, at least one lab needing to be redone, at least one delayed flight or overbooked hotel or costly last minute travel arrangements. We at Open Arms try to make this all run as smoothly as possible; your grace at accepting small delays such as these helps us do our job more efficiently. We can help to overcome these hurdles, but we can do it much better if you are working with us to do so.
It is understandable to be frustrated and annoyed, even angry, when bumps in the road come along. But we promise that at the end of the process, you will not even remember the difficulties. The outcome is the ultimate gift: a child of your own. The hard work that goes into having this child makes his or her arrival that much more worth it.
So please, try to be understanding of the setbacks as they come. They will always be there. But if you keep pushing forward with a positive attitude, the outcome of the process is always worth it.