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In which I admit I escape even from the things I don't want to ignore

Posted Dec 06 2012 8:00am
I was just on Pinterest.  I know, I know.  BIG shocker, right?  The point is that I'm on Pinterest not because I'm looking for anything.  If you don't consider a time-suck "anything".  It's 6:07pm on a weekday.  This is my one "work day" of the week.  The one where I go into an office, have a staff meeting, and take a shower and everything.  Then I come home and for about an hour and a half I do a bit more work while the sitter watches both kiddos.  When she goes home at 5pm, instead of finding myself renewed and invigorated by my "adults only" day, I count down the minutes to bedtime.

You see, this one day is enough to take me out of my routine.  Out of my sweats and mascara smudged reality and give me a glimpse of what it looks like not to be cleaning up a 5 lb bag of baking soda that L2 dumped out a second ago or managing an intervention that will successfully prevent L1 from executing a full sleeper-hold on L2.  I wrote the other day about anxiety triggers.  And while I hate to admit it, this is my biggest one.  Unscheduled time with both kids.  Ugh.

In these moments, I find myself reaching for my laptop and a glass of wine instead of a puzzle or book. I can rationalize and justify with plenty of gusto, mind you, oftentimes successfully averting guilt around my diversions.  Except, today, when I was pinning, I saw this...

Repin Like
"I have this concern for the future that isn't just mind-heavy, it's heart-heavy. Because I am so passionate about authentic connection and sometimes really quickly, that's going away and I don't think that's dramatic. I think it's the truth." - on owning our time in a technology driven world.

It was on Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary 's Pinterest Board.  And it spoke to me.  Sure, it spoke to me in ways that drove me here to click "New Post", rather than to the floor to play with my youngest or the couch to read to my 5 year old.  But, pause I did.  And I do now as I consider how to move forward, balancing my anxiety and my need and deep, deep desire to be the mom my children so deserve.
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