You may remember my post from a few months ago. You know, the one that made you cringe, maybe just a little? In that post I talked about how while I felt that I was a "good mom," I did not necessarily feel natural in my motherhood or over-joyed by the activities that come along as a part of the job.
Over the past couple of weeks I have heard my husband ask more than once, "how did you know he...wanted that? needed that? didn't want that? (insert other question)? Each time, I simply responded "I don't know; I just did." Then I finally realized that it's kicked in. Yes, IT. That intuition, that ability to "read your child's mind", that innate sense of comfort that you will unequivocally be able to at some point, if not in an instant, figure out exactly how to respond to your child. For the past 14 months I had been living in PARK or maybe NEUTRAL at times. Now, I feel like I can shift into DRIVE when I want or need to. It's funny how much this has both boosted my confidence in my mothering skills and allowed me to feel less anxious.
Over the course of 2008 I found that I was increasingly happier, less depressed, less anxious, less obsessed and more able to sleep as each month went on. What a blessing from God that as we are wrapping up '08 with hopes (though they may not be economically high) that are pointed north, that I have been able to get my hands on the one skill that can only come with time, patience, practice, and prayer. Mother's intuition is a myth as it relates to an instantaneous knowledge coincident with childbirth. But, it is certainly not a falacy that even those of us who most expected to be a "natural" and wound up far from it eventually find our way, too.
I know that there will be many days to come when L. is 2, 10, 15, or 60 that I may not know what to say or do. I am totally cool with that. Why? Because I know that deep down I am doing the best I can do and God's little cherry on top for me is getting the small things right. When L. want's an organic O instead of whatever else he's being offered and I can figure it out before the whine even leaves his mouth, I celebrate it. My prayer for you in '09 is that you are able to be ok with wherever you are and know that where you will be tomorrow will be just a little different.
Over the past couple of weeks I have heard my husband ask more than once, "how did you know he...wanted that? needed that? didn't want that? (insert other question)? Each time, I simply responded "I don't know; I just did." Then I finally realized that it's kicked in. Yes, IT. That intuition, that ability to "read your child's mind", that innate sense of comfort that you will unequivocally be able to at some point, if not in an instant, figure out exactly how to respond to your child. For the past 14 months I had been living in PARK or maybe NEUTRAL at times. Now, I feel like I can shift into DRIVE when I want or need to. It's funny how much this has both boosted my confidence in my mothering skills and allowed me to feel less anxious.
Over the course of 2008 I found that I was increasingly happier, less depressed, less anxious, less obsessed and more able to sleep as each month went on. What a blessing from God that as we are wrapping up '08 with hopes (though they may not be economically high) that are pointed north, that I have been able to get my hands on the one skill that can only come with time, patience, practice, and prayer. Mother's intuition is a myth as it relates to an instantaneous knowledge coincident with childbirth. But, it is certainly not a falacy that even those of us who most expected to be a "natural" and wound up far from it eventually find our way, too.
I know that there will be many days to come when L. is 2, 10, 15, or 60 that I may not know what to say or do. I am totally cool with that. Why? Because I know that deep down I am doing the best I can do and God's little cherry on top for me is getting the small things right. When L. want's an organic O instead of whatever else he's being offered and I can figure it out before the whine even leaves his mouth, I celebrate it. My prayer for you in '09 is that you are able to be ok with wherever you are and know that where you will be tomorrow will be just a little different.