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In Case You Think I am Unaware

Posted Jun 29 2009 6:06pm
In case you think I am unaware of my reality, I am not! This is the first time I have received a comment that has prompted me to create a post. I just need you all to know that I am in NO way living in a dream cloud, I am fully aware of the obstacles we face.

Believe me, I cry almost hourly about what we are facing, and while I may blog about missing out on shopping or how messy my house is those are nothing compared to the fear I have for the health of our boys or the fear I have numerous times a day that maybe I am going into pre -term labor.

I am a confessed googleholic and I am aware that my boys will not go home until around their due date, I am also fully aware that they may not make it. I am all too aware of the reality and many times I feel my research makes me too aware and pessimistic.

I clearly stated in my post that I had time to pack a bag for the boys, I know our reality more than likely includes a lot of time in the hospital, I am not being naive, but I am trying to be optimistic and hold on to some sense of a normal pregnancy. What is so wrong with me wanting to have going home outfits for my boys? I am sorry, but if my boys are in the NICU I don't think I would feel compelled to go out shopping for them, I would rather be with them. Why not purchase a going home outfit for them online so I have it? Am I supposed to ignore preparing for them? I was already told I could not go to childbirth classes, so right there I am unprepared and it bothers me. If you don't know me... I am a planner and not one detail goes unturned with me.

I know the comment was not meant to be rude, and I apologize if I am coming off rude, but I want my readers to know that I AM fully aware of the road in store for us, I am not trying to cover up our new reality. I know the boys cannot wear clothes in the NICU, but I was told that they could have a blanket that smells like us, and yes thinking of pacifiers was probably a premature thought.

I am aware that I may not hold my babies when they are born, and I am aware that their delivery may not be tears of happiness, but sometimes I choose to keep pushing forward, not think about bad outcomes, and hope for the very best for our family.

Again I am sorry if this comes off bad, I blame hormones and emotion fueling the post.
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