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I'm going crazy. (Am I?)

Posted May 18 2011 12:00am

I'm trying very hard to not be the frantic-looking, always stressed-out lady who everybody knows thinks that having multiples is so much harder than having singletons. Because I find it annoying. And because at this age, I think having more than one child this little is hard, no matter if they're twins or not. But I can't figure out why a few people - who are also parents of little children, or who've once had more than one child in this intense age-range - seem to think that this is all no big deal. Because I'm going crazy here.
I'd like to think that I am a relatively capable person. I have two degrees and teach spinning classes for fun - so I'm used to working hard and physical challenges don't scare me. And yet I can't get over the fact that there are people who actually think this "vacation" would be such a fun and relaxing time for us - what with Bjorn being around and us being with my family and all. And yet here I am so exhausted from almost 4 weeks of non-stop toddler-duty that I am actually looking forward to being home from vacation! The girls are just so much work right now that 90% of the time, I am running around somewhere trying to keep them out of trouble. And Bjorn is off somewhere else doing the exact same thing with another toddler. And when we go "visit" friends or family, I usually do even more of the same thing with the excpetion that it is in somebody else's living room or yard.

And here is the thing: It doesn't actually bother me half as much as you'd think. That is actually not what is making me feel like I'm going crazy. Because I expected it. I wanted this trip to be better than the last one, I wanted the girls to sleep better and I wanted them to stay relatively healthy. And for the most part, they did. So assuming our flight home is relatively uneventful, I will go home feeling like this was a "good" trip. I had absolutely no illusion that this vacation would be in any way relaxing, or maybe even that much fun for Bjorn and I. And I'm not even bummed about it - because let's face it, the girls are two years old and are supposed to not listen and throw tandrums and fight and run and climb and not stop from morning until night. And that's exactly what they're doing. And as I have said some time before, THIS is the easy part of our last 2 years with the girls. Because we're not constantly fearing for their lives or dealing with serious health issues or around-the-clock tending to always-crying and never-sleeping colicky babies. They're just toddlers, and there's two of them and so I expect to feel exhausted most of the time. Okay, make that all of the time. That's just our life right now, and it won't be like that forever. And considering the alternatives, I am thrilled to be worn out daily by my two healthy daughters.

What makes me feel like I'm going crazy is when it seems like people are surprised when I tell them that I haven't held a conversation that lasted for more than 5 minutes this entire trip (as long as the girls were awake). Or that - no matter how much I loved being here - I can't wait to go home, because there I can go teach a cycle class and get a break :) And that I am often so exhausted and worn out that I can barely finish a sentence in my own head. Why do people think that is so strange? Haven't they had small children? Are my kids really that much more work? Or is it really that different to have 2 two-year olds compared to having a toddler and a baby, for example? Or am I just being that frantic, stressed-out lady who is making this all up in my her head - and if someone else did what I do for a day, they'd really think it's no big deal?!

I can't figure it out. And I'm way too tired to think about it any more, so excuse me while I go take a nap. Oh wait, Liana just somersaulted off the couch ...

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