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How annoying is the word "think"?

Posted Apr 23 2009 5:25pm
This morning's ultrasound was done by a doctor that I don't particularly like in the practice. There is definitely a nice gestational sac and yolk sac. He "thinks" he saw a fetal pole and, if so, it's measuring 5weeks 6 days, which makes sense (by the calendar I'm 6w1d, but, with my slow start, I think this makes sense). He "thinks" he saw a heartbeat (you could clearly see the flashing on screen), but, he "thinks" it might be my heartbeat and not the baby's. He measured my heart rate against the one he was seeing and they were very similar. He told my my heart was beating really fast - think I might be a little anxious, huh?!

Honestly, he can take his "thinking" and shove it where the sun don't shine.....

OK, I know that sounds harsh, but, this goes back a long way. He was on morning duty the entire week of my Fall '07 miscarriage, so, I had to see him multiple times and, even then, while he's a nice man, I just never felt like he was overly thorough. And that feeling was magnified today. Maybe if he spent a little more time looking, he might be able to prove or disprove what he "thinks". Remember, I have the benefit of having had at least 20 different RE's "in me" (as Glenn likes to put it), so, I have plenty to compare him against and, frankly, he doesn't measure up.

My beta. It has gone up to 9916. So, the doubling continues to slow down (as some believe it should), and, while this is the highest beta I've ever had, and I'm really, really happy about that, I secretely wish it was a little bit higher (although, I swear, I'm not stressing it too much!).

I'm feeling pretty emotionally raw today. I don't want anyone to think that I've given up hope, because I absolutely haven't! I truly know that this can still turn out wonderfully and what happened today isn't necessarily bad at all. It's just all feeling a little too deja vu-ey to me, when they kept bringing me back looking for a heartbeat that never materialized. And, it's magnified by the fact that two years ago yesterday was my due date from IVF #1, the one that resulted in an ectopic pregnancy.

So, we still wait. Next ultrasound is Monday......hopefully we'll see someone who "knows" rather than "thinks"!
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