Formula

I did it. I gave her the first bottle of formula yesterday. And I feel SO much better. Yesterday I decided to stop pumping and slowly introduce more feedings of formula. She ate a little, then stopped and screamed at me as if to say, "What are you doing? This doesn't taste like breast milk?" But she eventually ate it just fine. It felt good not to stress over "Oh its time to pump, but I can't because she's screaming." I didn't worry about pumping at any particular time yesterday, and the freedom felt good. Now of course, I did pump a few times to relieve the painful engorgement, but just when it got bad.

Today, I changed my mind. I won't stop pumping completely, but will pump when I feel like it. I feel okay giving her formula as much as I need to. I need to remind myself that formula is not the anti-Christ. It was just stressing me out SO much. Pumping takes SO much time, and Harlee is a very needy baby. I get so stressed when I am tied to the pump and can't pick her up and soothe her (which of course, makes her scream louder).

So for now she will continue to get pumped breast milk at daycare and the sitter's. We will give formula when we want to at home when she is with us. I currently have a month's supply of breast milk in the deep freeze, so whenever I decide I am done, we still have that to use up.

Giving formula is not what I had planned, but I realize sometimes that my own mental health is more important. I don't want to beat myself up anymore over making sure every feeding is breast milk. Its okay, as long as she's fed something, she should turn out just fine.