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Feelings After 4th Miscarriage

Posted Oct 15 2009 10:02pm 4 Comments
This week has been hard for me. I feel so empty without my little Pea. Secondary infertility is not easy to live with. People will say "Sometimes this happens." or "This is how nature weeds out the bad eggs.". These things hurt people like me. The people that say these things do not know the pain I went through to get pregnant and they do not know the pain I have went through going through 4 miscarriages. I do not wish this pain on my worst enemy. TTC (trying to conceive) for a person with infertility is a very hard road to travel. But we travel this road hoping for our healthy babies. We have heart ache, pain, disappointment, anger and more but we press on. Just saying "I am sorry for your loss." is good enough for me. Do not tell me it is for the best or maybe something was wrong with my baby. Understanding is the key to comforting someone that is on this road. I am so glad to have so many blogger friends that understand what I am going through. I love you all and I thank you for your support. I just needed to get some feelings out and what better place to do it. I just need to heal emotionally. The physical healing is the easy part. I let myself believe everything was going to be fine with this last pregnancy. I let my guard down and I loved my little baby that was growing inside of me. Do not get me wrong I loved that little baby from the moment I found out I was pregnant. What I mean is I let myself believe everything was going to be perfect and it made it harder for me when I found out that I was losing my little one. So now for the healing to start.

Baby Dust to ALL!!!
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I am doing research on the MTHFR mutation and came across your blog.  I just wanted to say how very sorry I am that you have gone through so much pain.  My daughter experienced two miscarriages after successfully carrying her first pregnancy full term without a hitch.  That, I guess was just a miracle because when they tried to have more children, she kept losing them.  I have never felt so helpless in my life.  Watching her hurt and not being able to 'fix' her was agony.  I do know what you're going though and I know that it certainly doesn't get any easier just because you prepare yourself for it.  I do want to tell you though that the things people say are said out of love and helplessness.  We always feel like, as the watchers of the grievers, that we should be doing something, saying something to 'help'.  So we blurt meaningless things that we don't know are meaningless.

I believe that someday you will have a child.  And though I don't know you, I will pray for you and your someday baby.


Thank you for your kind words. I will pray for your daughter as well. In have a complete post about MTHFR on my blog. It is very informative. I hope it helps.


Hi, I also have MTHFR and just suffered my 4th miscarriage 3 weeks ago.  I am going through some crazy emotions, as I'm sure you are as well.  If you would like to talk it might help the both us of get through our losses.  Many prayers to you.  I have faith that good things happen to good people.  Don't give up!
Thank you Kristy. I am praying gor you as well :)
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