Comments on Surrogacy Agency Misconceptions: Why some women "Go Independent"
Posted Oct 25 2008 1:16am
I wanted to give a voice to Kymberli here as she has brought up some very valid points. As I stated not ALL women who go "independent" are out for themselves or just want to let certain issues fall through the cracks. I went independent twice. Shocked? I knew my first couple personally and there were no known agencies (to us at least) in 1998 we went ahead and made it through...and the second couple I met through an IP whom I had helped and after a year of getting to know each other, made the offer to carry their babies. I mean no insult to anyone who has the best intentions in mind for those they are hoping to help but 'others', who think of surrogacy as an easy (meaning popping an ad up on SMO and hoping that certain medical or legal issues will be ignored by the uninformed IP), or a money making industry, should be aware that IP's are doing their research and are being better educated then in the past.
Hi Sharon. I'm a GS who has delivered one surro-child, but I've been in a total of four independent surrogacy arrangements, to include the one I am currently in.
While the reasons you've presented for not working with an agency are valid for *some* independent surrogates, in my experience those aren't all, or even the main reasons why those of us who go indy choose to.
For me personally, there is a greater sense of control working independently. I am free to navigate the course of my journey without a third party providing me with a limited range of options. I don't have to wait for someone to get back to me or determine when prospective intended parents and I are "ready" to receive each other's contact information. I like the fact that I can set my own pace.
Not all surrogates who work independently are trying to cut corners. With all due respect, a heavy implication in your article is that independent surrogates are of lower quality than agency surrogates *and* that all agencies will guarantee working with a quality surrogate. This is not necessarily true. I've seen many agency arrangements, as well as indy arrangements not end well with both the surrogates and IPs feeling a bit underwhelmed with the journey.
The bottom line is that whether working independently or with an agency, both surrogates and intended parents need to follow their gut instincts about the people they choose to work with. I've seen many wonderful independent surrogacy arrangements, including each of my own. There are many merits to working with an agency just as there are many merits to working independently. The route that will be "of more benefit" to a surrogate or intended parent is really a matter of personality and individual fit, and I don't think going one route or the other is more "right" than the other. What matters is what's "right" for the individual.