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Classic Infertile Experience

Posted Oct 22 2009 12:00am
I had the classic infertile experience today.  Somehow I ended up talking to this girl at work about my infertility.  She hadn't heard any of my story before, so I ended up telling her a bit about the infertility experiences and the miscarriage as well as our thoughts that we might consider adoption if our next two IVF cycles aren't successful. 

She responded with a bunch of God stuff and then she said it.  She said we'd be good parents no matter if our child was natural or adopted.  Then she said, "If you adopt, you'll probably get pregnant right away, just like Charlotte in Sex and the City!"

Ok, really, there are a few things wrong with this.  First of all, I object to the word "natural."  Natural or adopted is just a bit offensive.  Then, she really had to go with the once you adopt you'll get pregnant line.  How is it that people think this statement is helpful or supportive?  It's just offensive to me and minimizes all the pain of IVF and infertility and reduces getting pregnant to "magic" (which it kind of is.  But wishing it hard enough, unfortunately, doesn't make it happen).  And, it minimizes the decision to adopt.  If I do decide to adopt, I hope I am at a point where I've put my dreams of getting pregnant and delivering a baby to rest.  I hope that I'm not adopting so that I'll get pregnant.

I replied to her that the adopt to get pregnant is an urban legend and that in my world things are a bit more complicated.  She didn't say anything back.
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