I've been writing and re writing this post in my head for a while. I really want to get my post across because though most got it, some of you didn't.
First clarification I never said I would stop TTC or even agree with agencies asking couples to stop TTC, I said I understand WHY some do.
Second and most importantly, It was said that "some people are in a different place" or some people are "stronger" than others. While it's true that we are all in different places, the stronger comment is frankly a cop out. It does a disservice to Me personally and to others who have done the immense work to get to a place of acceptance. I'm not stronger than anyone else. I'm human, I'm weak, I have fought through my sadness and despair over my infertility, my anger, frustration, and my depression. I have FOUGHT and cried, and screamed and been angry at God and I have worked through those emotions and come to PEACE.
I came to this peace BEFORE getting Alana.
That made accepting the amazing blessing of motherhood, even if I only get the one baby, possible. Even though it's not what I would choose,if Alana is my only child I'm ok.
Is it because I'm strong? NO.
It's because I have done a lot of work, on myself, my thoughts, my feelings and I have come to peace with my infertility.
Can I wish that I could just get pregnant and have a baby whenever I wanted? Sure.
Can I continually be sad, and lament the fact that I will never get pregnant and will never have the big family I dreamed of? NO.
That would be wrong. Name a Saint that continually complained about their lot in life. I don't know any. Aren't we all called to be Saints? We have to STRIVE to come to peace with what we "got", and what I "got" is INFERTILITY.
Do I like it? NO
But guess what? It doesn't matter, I don't have to like it. But I do have to accept it. Can I fight it? sure, but I will lose years and peace of mind fighting the fact that my body is broken. I'd rather be at peace. I fight for health, I will fight for that till the end. I know I can achieve health. Fertility, I have no idea if that is even achievable.
That is what I meant by stopping the Victim mentality. We have to come to peace. I think those that are still waiting for a baby have to work towards it and those that made it to Motherhood, by whatever means need to have it. We can't live our lives jealous of what others have, that's wrong. We can't continue to look at our selves as victims of infertility. We have to look at our BLESSINGS. If you are married with no kids, your blessing is your spouse and this time you have to work on your relationship and the time you get to do things together. If you have kids, adopted bio or both, 1,2 or 9 don't concentrate on what you don't have, don't focus on the fact that you "only" have two when you wanted 5. Focus on the fact that you HAVE two! Two amazing beautiful blessings! That is the focus. That is what I meant. I hope it's clearer now.