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Posted Dec 25 2009 4:25pm
Merry Christmas to all my bloggy readers. My husband and I both had to work on Christmas day, but we got to spend Christmas Eve just the three of us. Yes, we spoiled Harlee for her first Christmas. Santa was good to her, we now have so many toys there is nowhere to put them all!

I am still having a very hard time. We are finally putting Harlee in her own crib at night. Using a modified version of CIO, cry it out, she was supposed to be peacefully sleeping by about ten days into it. Again, that is for normal babies. Not our difficult one. She still screams bloody murder for 1 to 2 hrs until she finally falls asleep. We check on her at regular intervals, increasing the amount of time after each check. A few nights DH and I both have fallen asleep with her still screaming. I'm tired. I need sleep too.

And now she refuses to even open her mouth for any food of any kind. What a waste of my time getting everything all ready. What a waste of me even taking all that time to even make all her food. Silly me, what was I thinking? What am I supposed to do? That stupid Nutramigen is SO darned expensive, I really didn't want her on that beyond age 1.

She's just never happy around me. I get so mad. I have her on the weekends until DH gets home about 3pm. Her face just likes up and she runs in her walker right over to the door to see him. Grrr. How come she never does that to me? How come her face never lights up when she's with me? He just says she's a daddy's girl and if we ever have a boy, then the boy will run to momma. I disagree. IF we were ever to get pregnant again, I'm sure we'd just end up with another girl to go running to daddy. IF we managed to get a boy, he'd just run to him too. I'm doomed no matter what. My kid doesn't even like me.

The good days are so few and far between. Why do we have way more bad than good days? Maybe me being a mother just wasn't meant to be. Why is my kid SO difficult?
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