Sorry friends! Totally sucking out on updating this beast.
Truth is, parenting is not an easy gig!
I have over 400 e-mails in my google account, countless facebook messages and
200 blogs to read on my reader....it is VERY daunting.
But I needed to let you know we are doing ok. I am working on the birth story
post, but that one will take sometime and I am lucky to get a 20 minute chunk
of time a day to myself and I usually pass out in that time.
Little Ivy is of course the greatest thing to happen to me in the whole wide
world. I can't believe I am a mom, a real mom to a real human and it is kinda
taking a slightly different toll on me then I expected. Trust me, I know how
lucky, how blessed, how totally Cinderella dreams coming true amazing it is to be
here, Ivy's mom. I especially know this after our friends in our birthing class
tragically lost their little son. I look at Ivy and shake with tears at the
thought of this happening to her. If you have a prayer to spare, please send
one the way of our friends.
So I know how special this is. But it is really really hard. Ivy has jaundice
and because of this was losing too much weight, so she was on a strict schedule
of feeding every 2 hours. It takes me an hour to feed her each time, leaving an
hour for her to sometimes sleep and then it’s back on the boob (which is going
tremendous by the way!). So basically I am a cow, nothing more. I do not get
sleep, or rest or anything accomplished because the child needs her MILK!
Luckily today we found out she is gaining weight again and is looking super healthy,
still yellow though. So now I can feed when she has hunger ques, which sounds
awesome right?! She has decided to pick today to grow, little bugger, and is
wanting to be feed right after each feeding. NOT EVEN JOKING. So ya still a big
So running on no sleep and the extreme insanity of hormones cursing through me,
I am once again experiencing my good old friends, panic attacks. Once the sky
turns dark, the attacks start. I get so overwhelmed with worry that when Keith
goes back to work I won't be able to do this on my own. When I should be
sleeping I stay awake in bed shaking and sweating, praying for the sunlight,
cause with the sun I always calm down. Nights are brutal here, they are full of
me weeping and Keith consoling not only me but his little daughter. I can't
begin to tell you how amazing of a father and husband Keith is, but that
deserves its own post.
So I am a mess friends. A huge mommy mess. I am sorry for not commenting on
your blogs, or returning your e-mails or updating this site. I need to get
myself a little more functional and I will be back. I promise. I can't even see
the keyboard I am crying so much right now...ahhh these hormones.
Anyways to get off this wonderful, surprisingly depressing post, here’s what
you came to see: