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Blog? what? I have one?

Posted May 01 2009 11:38pm

Sorry friends! Totally sucking out on updating this beast. Truth is, parenting is not an easy gig!

I have over 400 e-mails in my google account, countless facebook messages and 200 blogs to read on my is VERY daunting.

But I needed to let you know we are doing ok. I am working on the birth story post, but that one will take sometime and I am lucky to get a 20 minute chunk of time a day to myself and I usually pass out in that time.

Little Ivy is of course the greatest thing to happen to me in the whole wide world. I can't believe I am a mom, a real mom to a real human and it is kinda taking a slightly different toll on me then I expected. Trust me, I know how lucky, how blessed, how totally Cinderella dreams coming true amazing it is to be here, Ivy's mom. I especially know this after our friends in our birthing class tragically lost their little son. I look at Ivy and shake with tears at the thought of this happening to her. If you have a prayer to spare, please send one the way of our friends.

So I know how special this is. But it is really really hard. Ivy has jaundice and because of this was losing too much weight, so she was on a strict schedule of feeding every 2 hours. It takes me an hour to feed her each time, leaving an hour for her to sometimes sleep and then it’s back on the boob (which is going tremendous by the way!). So basically I am a cow, nothing more. I do not get sleep, or rest or anything accomplished because the child needs her MILK! Luckily today we found out she is gaining weight again and is looking super healthy, still yellow though. So now I can feed when she has hunger ques, which sounds awesome right?! She has decided to pick today to grow, little bugger, and is wanting to be feed right after each feeding. NOT EVEN JOKING. So ya still a big old cow.

So running on no sleep and the extreme insanity of hormones cursing through me, I am once again experiencing my good old friends, panic attacks. Once the sky turns dark, the attacks start. I get so overwhelmed with worry that when Keith goes  back to work I won't be able to do this on my own. When I should be sleeping I stay awake in bed shaking and sweating, praying for the sunlight, cause with the sun I always calm down. Nights are brutal here, they are full of me weeping and Keith consoling not only me but his little daughter. I can't begin to tell you how amazing of a father and husband Keith is, but that deserves its own post.

So I am a mess friends. A huge mommy mess. I am sorry for not commenting on your blogs, or returning your e-mails or updating this site. I need to get myself a little more functional and I will be back. I promise. I can't even see the keyboard I am crying so much right now...ahhh these hormones.

Anyways to get off this wonderful, surprisingly depressing post, here’s what you came to see:

Ivy's birth 138

Ivy's birth 164

Ivy's birth 180

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