I'm learning more and more, that in order to be comfortable with birth, you sometimes have to be comfortable with human sexuality. I don't just mean in the obvious senses either - of course there are sounds and scents and body positions and an intensity in birth that are reflective of our sexuality. Ina May Gaskin is famous for her belief that 'what got the baby in will get the baby out'. Lou Paget's book "Hot Mamas" even includes instructions on how to kiss for maximum benefit in labour. (a chicken peck just won't do it!)
Two births come to mind on this topic:
One Dad tenderly touched his partners's labia and spread them so he could see his baby descend. Massaging her vulva, gently reaching inside Mom with his fingertips to feel and welcome his child, to feel for himself her changing cervix. I was surprised to see his hands move so freely (and nicely surprised that none of the medical caregivers objected).
One Mom was labouring in the shower. Between contractions she would lean against the shower wall, eyes closed, and allow the water to wash over her. When a contraction came, she would lean against me, face buried in my neck, one arm around my waist. If it was really intense, her fingers would grip tightly, her mouth would open wide and she would alternately moan, and bite my shoulder (not painfully or dangerously). Her other hand was stimulating her clitoris throughout her contractions. I have to admit - - I was a bit shocked. As a doula I've supported plenty of women in the shower while labouring. And bodily functions just don't phase me. A woman self-pleasuring while leaning against me for support was a new one though.
In 'both' cases (stories are composites) I felt like an intruder on their most intimate moments. I offered to step away if they wanted some time alone. But no - I wasn't intruding. I was holding their birth space wide open, so they could do whatever they needed to, to manage their labour. I did my best to fade into the background - holding open the space without taking up any of their space - leaving them free to shift and move and touch and breathe and kiss and welcome their child.
Two births come to mind on this topic:
One Dad tenderly touched his partners's labia and spread them so he could see his baby descend. Massaging her vulva, gently reaching inside Mom with his fingertips to feel and welcome his child, to feel for himself her changing cervix. I was surprised to see his hands move so freely (and nicely surprised that none of the medical caregivers objected).
One Mom was labouring in the shower. Between contractions she would lean against the shower wall, eyes closed, and allow the water to wash over her. When a contraction came, she would lean against me, face buried in my neck, one arm around my waist. If it was really intense, her fingers would grip tightly, her mouth would open wide and she would alternately moan, and bite my shoulder (not painfully or dangerously). Her other hand was stimulating her clitoris throughout her contractions. I have to admit - - I was a bit shocked. As a doula I've supported plenty of women in the shower while labouring. And bodily functions just don't phase me. A woman self-pleasuring while leaning against me for support was a new one though.
In 'both' cases (stories are composites) I felt like an intruder on their most intimate moments. I offered to step away if they wanted some time alone. But no - I wasn't intruding. I was holding their birth space wide open, so they could do whatever they needed to, to manage their labour. I did my best to fade into the background - holding open the space without taking up any of their space - leaving them free to shift and move and touch and breathe and kiss and welcome their child.