I attended 2 baby showers this weekend. The first was for my friend Julianne who had her little baby boy at 24 weeks gestation. When he was born, he was only 1 1/2 pounds....this weekend he reached the 5 lb mark! Anyway, she's been through a few really tough months, and I salute her for her strength through 3 months of her baby in NICU. You can check out her blog by clicking here.
The second shower I went to was for my really good friend Chelsea who is due in a couple of weeks (actually, on the exact day of my first RE appointment...icing on the cake, eh?). When she got pregnant 9 months ago, I thought for sure I'd be right behind her (after all, her little baby was an "accident" and I was on clomid....so surely I was right behind?) No such luck.
I've always liked baby showers....till now. I can't describe how difficult it was to sit at those showers and watch them open gifts ....diapers....onesies....blankets.....pacifiers.....burp cloths....baby seats.... It wasn't easy. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my friends and their new little families, but it's hard to sit there and not ask yourself, "Why not me?"
Chelsea (love you Chels, if you ever read this) is one of my closest friends. She took me down and showed me her cute crib bedding she bought and asked my opinion on how else she should decorate the nursery. I sat there and imagined the nursery that I have, all planned out in my head....it's a difficult thought that I try not to access frequently.
I think the reason baby showers are hard is because every day I try with all my energy to keep the idea of "baby" in the abstract form. As soon as you go to a baby shower and see the excited mom with her cute swollen belly, the idea fails to be abstract, and instead just opens the wound in your heart? soul? gut? I'm not sure where the pain originates. I just know that as much as I am happy for my friends....I've decided baby showers SUCK.
Thanks for reading my little rant. And don't forget about my giveaway! You can find it by clicking here.