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A Thin Line Between Love and Hate

Posted Aug 26 2008 3:50pm

I don’t understand myself.

So we went to the RE today and I guess he gave me some good news. He said that I could start next month. The back drop to this is, of course, the fact that I was scared sh*tless and all stressed out about seeing him today because I thought he might tell me that I had to wait, but when he said that I could start ASAP, I got even more nervous.

WTF?

I guess I have a love/hate relationship with the egg drop drama. It’s one of those sick relationships where you can’t get enough of it but you hate the fact that you are even in it, if you know what I mean.

Even though I’ve been ready to have a baby for a long time, the idea of starting those injectibles again does not make me happy. I hate the hormones, the needles and the effect on my body. On the other hand, this forced break has caused me to think about nothing else but hormones, needles, and my body. I think about it all of the time, even when I am not thinking about it.

I know I am not making any sense, but the question looming in the back of my head is: what if I start this crap over again and it does not work? It’s hard not to go there, but at the same time I have to remain positive, right?

And the last thing my doctor said was that I have to have another Saline Hystereosonogram to see if I have any adhesions in my uterus now that I’ve had the myomectomy, which sucks because that test really, really hurts.

Damn!

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