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A Matter of When, Not If

Posted Aug 23 2008 11:53pm

*OB appointment alert*

Had my 38 week appointment this morning. And...

I'm 3.5 cm dilated and 80% effaced. That silence? That is me as my eyes bug out of their sockets and my mouth could catch flies.

The OB said that Sunshine's head is "very low" and at this point, we are just waiting on him to decide on his birthday. My body is actually trying to coerce him out. To tell you the truth, I'm afraid to squat and use the bathroom for fear he may plop into the toilet. Do you think I could just walk into the hospital and ask for an epidural now?

She casually mentioned that she is on call this weekend should I go into labor. But the thought of it happening so quickly is surreal. I mean, we are ready. The nursery is finished - aside from a few tiny, random things that haven't arrived yet. We have all the necessary items to take care of a newborn and more. The anticipation is killing me softly. But I'm still in shock whenever I hear I make progress.

She said that with said progress, it is likely I will have a fairly short labor, whenever it does happen. Less than half a day. So it's a good thing those bags are packed. Now, if I can just load them all into the Jeep tonight, we'll be in business. After all, they won't do any good sitting at home on the floor if my water breaks while I'm in BRU finishing up the last of my registry shopping.

I hope that my next update is the one we've all been waiting for. Until then, I wait earnestly and enjoy these last weeks being the closest I'll ever be to my baby boy. As uncomfortable as it is to have a 7 lb. baby using my ribs as a chair or an ottoman, I never want to forget the sensation. I don't want to forget any of it. I wish I could bottle it up somehow so I will always remember this time. I want to meet him so badly but it is hard to think of letting it go and entering the next phase. Will I be a good mom? Will I know what to do to fulfill his needs? It's all just so new and I know these worries are common at this point. I just want to do right by him and give him the life he deserves. I worried so much of this pregnancy away. Now, I want these memories to stay with me and not to ever fade. I want to enjoy it while it lasts.
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