Most of us condemn those who choose war over peace, violence over compassion. But what about us? How are we like in our daily lives? If you have been experiencing much conflict in your relationships with others, then it is that while you say you value peace, your actions may well be demonstrating otherwise.
Your actions are the doing of the ego. Your ego is addicted to drama. There is a surge of negative energy that feeds your anger, frustration and hostility. Once started, it is hard to stop the gathering momentum of this energy.
Your survival is at stake, when your ego feels threatened. You need to move into the position of defense if an attack is no longer possible. You feel justified in your actions. If war is what your thoughts are saying, war is what you will get.
You are now a war general planning your moves. You have a war to fight. You need to be right!
So is it really Peace that you are after?
Being right strengthens the ego. You experience a sense of superiority. It can be subtle at times. It happens when you believe that you are fighting for a just cause. But being right is about identifying with a mental state – an opinion, a judgement, a story, a perspective. When you are right, it also means that someone else is wrong. If the other person feels challenged by your insistence of being right, it becomes the fight of the egos.
You may again insist that you are right because of the facts. But facts can also be a matter of perception. They can also get clouded with other considerations. Egos are great at distorting information to satisfy the selfish needs of oneself. What you perceive as facts may well be an illusion.
“I am right; you are wrong” is a common belief that causes separation. It is the thought that causes the divide among nations, religions and cultures. No good has ever come from the adoption of this belief. Your Grievances with Others
Over time, resentment becomes grievance. It is a strong negative emotion connected to an event kept alive by the retelling of the story in your head. The grievance is invariably about what “someone did to me”. You cannot let go of its grip over you.
You also look for instances that strengthen the same story. Each instance is a validation of “I am right” thought pattern. Your grievance is long-suffering. You now play the victim role. The heavier the baggage of past hurts, the more dramatic your role is.
Life Is a Mirror
What you get out of life pretty much mirrors your thoughts. Hence, the egoic patterns that you react most strongly to in others are probably the same patterns that you are also displaying. So if you want to learn more about how you have been reacting to life, look at your enemies. What about them that particularly upsets or frustrates you? Is it their need for control or power? Is it their insincerity or selfishness? Is it their greed?
More often than not, your egoic behavior is not obvious to you. They are usually presented or expressed in a different form. However essentially the basic emotion, fear or thought pattern is the same. What you see in others is a reflection of you. According to the Law of Attraction, you have also attracted what lie within your thoughts.
The same patterns in behavior can also be found in your home, workplace or community simultaneously, or they may be recur over and over again through the years. You may wonder why you find yourself continually stuck in the same dramas or nightmares.
The answer is that life draws to you the same learning experiences in various forms until you have learned them. Just like taking a test or examination, you do not graduate until you have passed it. You are in pain and suffering, while you remain in darkness.
Do you choose to see the Light?
Make Peace With the Present Moment
One problem or challenge ends; another arises. Such is the nature of life. They are learning experiences meant to help your soul grow. In a way, your conflicts with others is not really about others.
It is about your relationship with the Now. When you are in resistance with the Now, you will find yourself experiencing conflict in everything (be it an event or relationship with others) that you encounter. You are basically not at peace in the moment. Nothing goes right!
The questions to ask yourself when you are experiencing dysfunctional relationships: What is my relationship with the Now? Fighting? In resistance? What am I aligned to? Oneness? Or Separation? What am I choosing in my present experience: Peace or Drama?
Upon awareness, you realize that you have a choice. You can end the conflict that you are in. You decide if you want to make peace or war right this instant. You move in alignment with whatever comes up in the Now. Your state of Being changes. You experience a change in paradigm. A sense of calmness follows. A letting go. Others respond more positively. Your relationships improve with the making of a new friend – Now.
And since life is made up of moments, by making peace with each successive moment, you are also making Peace with Life.
When time slowed to a halt for me to investigate into my own undoing, I suddenly resonated deeply what Eckhart Tolle was trying to say. The nature of conflict with others really lies with the conflict we have ourselves with the flow of life. Make Peace!
Share Your Thoughts
How do you successfully resolve your conflicts with others? Are you at peace with life? Share your tips, thoughts and/or comments!