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No Regrets

Posted May 28 2010 6:12am

Welcome to Caregiver Friday!!

One of the key issues that arise while caring for someone with an illness or injury is the uncertainty of the situation.  There have been many occasions when caregivers/wellness partners have been in need of expressing themselves about an issue but are reluctant for fear that what they have to say will make matters worse.  The truth is that it may make things worse, but is that such a bad thing.  It’s unlikely that what you have to say will kill them, but it may make things a bit uncomfortable for a time.

On the other hand, not saying anything makes things uncomfortable for you all the time.  When you don’t express yourself you have an edge in your being.  Your responses in conversations to the person you’re caring for may be short and even with a bit of an attitude.  Your body language becomes less and less open and receptive.  You may not think any of this comes through, but I assure you it’s loud and clear.

I’m not talking about divulging deep  dark secrets that may hurt the other person.  One of the issues that arise in relationships/marriages is that the caregiver may leave saying this isn’t what they signed up for.  Well the truth is no one signs up for the role of caregiver.  It comes as part of the package of love and devotion.  It’s an outgrowth of a relationship.  Yes, we hope that everyone in our lives will live forever and without illness, but that’s not likely.

The other end of the spectrum is when the caregiver feels left out our pushed out by te patient.  This new experience of dependency by the patient on you, the caregiver, at times is overwhelming and the feelings are, at times, too much to handle.  The idea of no regrets is to have an honest relationship because that promotes health and healing for both of you.

A “no regrets” relationship keeps the dialogue going and that’s a healthy step in any relationship.  The “no regrets” relationships makes it so that if the person you’re caring for dies these regrets don’t add to the grief you’ll experience as a result of the loss.  A “no regrets” relationship provides you with freedom to make choices as to the type of caregiver you want to be and are capable of being.  As they say in show business, leave everything you got on the stage, then you won’t have any regrets about what could have been!


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