You have probably heard it many times in your life in one form or another. I'm referring to those aphorisms like ‘no pain no gain’ and ‘suffering helps you grow’. Suffering is inevitable because ‘we are all sinners’ say some religions, and somehow we deserve it. The pioneers of this country ‘suffered’ as they strove to make a life for themselves and us, and so we should suffer too. It’s a part out of the Protestant/Judeo-Christian religious and work ethic. Work hard and if that doesn't do it, work harder. My colleagues and I have been discussing this recently and to me it really is worth thinking about whether this has to be true, desirable or inevitable. Personally I vehemently disagree with that, and I think the precept in and of itself can cause much suffering.
Have you ever considered the possibility that we might actually deserve wellness, health, well-being, and worthiness; not even just deserve it perhaps, but actually embody it as a part of our lives?
Here is my take: Emotional pain is not a by-product of the growth process; it is a by-product of the stuck process! I think growth from being stuck can be painful but I don't think it has to be. It’s really a personal choice, not always conscious, but a choice nevertheless. I believe thatpersonal/spiritual growth does require contrasting experiences - contrast between how we are now and how we want to be different, or contrast between what we want or desire and what we don’t have. Now this contrast can be interpreted as painful, but I don’t think it has to be. Surely how we interpret the experience of contrast will determine whether it is painful or not. For example, if you have pain or fear from your contrasting experience, you may want to move away from it or stay and suffer. If you have desire and even a compelling need for something that you can see as so much better than where you are now - you may want to move towards that, but you don't have to be in pain to do it. As an everyday example consider the sensation of thirst – it’s not painful unless it’s extreme dehydration, and you naturally move towards the desire to quench that thirst by taking steps to get a drink. Now some people might deprive themselves of a drink of water because they don't feel they deserve it; because they do not think there is enough to go around; because they were told by someone else they didn't need it; someone else needs it more than they do, or for any other myriad of reasons. Those are choices.
When are we going to realize as a human race that we are worthy, deserve to be joyful, happy, exuberant, content, and filled with an infinite positive spirit of life giving energy that flows through us forever?
Now that is not to say that I haven't had my fair share of pain in life, both emotional and physical that I have moved away from. I think there are ways of moving through feeling stuck and into growth that can be exhilarating, opening, and expansive. I think it is partly embracing feeling hopeful instead of being bogged down by anachronistic beliefs. Speaking as a therapist I see it as a part of my job to help patients find their way to that hopeful place - and to me, the more they are stuck in their pain of being stuck (i.e. by paying more and more attention to it), the more stuck they get. The more you struggle to get out of a bog, the more it sucks you in. I think you only need to be in pain long enough to let go of it and move towards something better. It’s not intrinsically a 'good thing’ to suffer.
©Edward Leyton MD 2009
©Accessing Resources for Empowerment™ 2009
You have probably heard it many times in your life in one form or another. I'm referring to those aphorisms like ‘no pain no gain’ and ‘suffering helps you grow’. Suffering is inevitable because ‘we are all sinners’ say some religions, and somehow we deserve it. The pioneers of this country ‘suffered’ as they strove to make a life for themselves and us, and so we should suffer too. It’s a part out of the Protestant/Judeo-Christian religious and work ethic. Work hard and if that doesn't do it, work harder. My colleagues and I have been discussing this recently and to me it really is worth thinking about whether this has to be true, desirable or inevitable. Personally I vehemently disagree with that, and I think the precept in and of itself can cause much suffering.
Have you ever considered the possibility that we might actually deserve wellness, health, well-being, and worthiness; not even just deserve it perhaps, but actually embody it as a part of our lives?
Here is my take: Emotional pain is not a by-product of the growth process; it is a by-product of the stuck process! I think growth from being stuck can be painful but I don't think it has to be. It’s really a personal choice, not always conscious, but a choice nevertheless. I believe thatpersonal/spiritual growth does require contrasting experiences - contrast between how we are now and how we want to be different, or contrast between what we want or desire and what we don’t have. Now this contrast can be interpreted as painful, but I don’t think it has to be. Surely how we interpret the experience of contrast will determine whether it is painful or not. For example, if you have pain or fear from your contrasting experience, you may want to move away from it or stay and suffer. If you have desire and even a compelling need for something that you can see as so much better than where you are now - you may want to move towards that, but you don't have to be in pain to do it. As an everyday example consider the sensation of thirst – it’s not painful unless it’s extreme dehydration, and you naturally move towards the desire to quench that thirst by taking steps to get a drink. Now some people might deprive themselves of a drink of water because they don't feel they deserve it; because they do not think there is enough to go around; because they were told by someone else they didn't need it; someone else needs it more than they do, or for any other myriad of reasons. Those are choices.
When are we going to realize as a human race that we are worthy, deserve to be joyful, happy, exuberant, content, and filled with an infinite positive spirit of life giving energy that flows through us forever?
Now that is not to say that I haven't had my fair share of pain in life, both emotional and physical that I have moved away from. I think there are ways of moving through feeling stuck and into growth that can be exhilarating, opening, and expansive. I think it is partly embracing feeling hopeful instead of being bogged down by anachronistic beliefs. Speaking as a therapist I see it as a part of my job to help patients find their way to that hopeful place - and to me, the more they are stuck in their pain of being stuck (i.e. by paying more and more attention to it), the more stuck they get. The more you struggle to get out of a bog, the more it sucks you in. I think you only need to be in pain long enough to let go of it and move towards something better. It’s not intrinsically a 'good thing’ to suffer.
©Edward Leyton MD 2009
©Accessing Resources for Empowerment™ 2009