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Who’s the Leader of the Club That’s Made For You and Me? MIC, KEY, M-E-N-S-A!!!

Posted Sep 28 2010 2:07pm


OK, if you know anything about me by now, you know how much I love my family.  How fiercely loyal I am to the name “Schmalfeldt.” And how anyone who disrespects my family is going to have trouble with me.  What makes this particularly difficult is that this person disrespecting my family is a MEMBER of the family.

I won’t go through the whole thing again.  You can read about it here .

But here’s the ensuing e-mail exchange.  Since the walking dildo my sister Micki married (and Micki herself) have blocked their e-mail addresses from receiving anything from us, I created a new e-mail address and sent this to the scrotum with feet my sister married.

This was in response to the phallus with legs referring to my other sister, Becki the one who is actually taking CARE of my mother by using a word that rhymes with “punt.”

Does your wife know that her mother is in the hospital with a broken leg?  Or are you hiding that from her like you hid your financial background and unwillingness to pay your bills.


He responded, thinking that he was talking to Becki.

Grid Jimmy…You are on the grid. Apologize and go the f*ck away.

See, Becki has stated more than once that she doesn’t want an internet presence.  The glans with eyeballs has used this as a threat to her before, to put her personal business on the web.

I responded.

What, precisely, should I be apologizing for, Brooks?  That you’re a deadbeat?  That you hurled a profanity at someone instead of expressing a word of concern about your mother-in-law’s injury?  OK, I apologize that you’re are such an asshole.  Grid?  F*ck you.  F*ck the grid.  And my GOD you are an idiot!


Tell your wife that if she wants to find out how her mother is, and her bile and hatred of her sister who is actually taking CARE of her mother makes it IMPOSSIBLE for her to call HER, she can call any of her brothers.  If she doesn’t care how her mother is doing, f*ck her.

And f*ck you.

Grid.  HAH!  You are a PROFOUND idiot!

Now, go get a job.

Then I wrote directly to my sister.

OK, enough of this bullshit.  If your bile and insane hatred of your sister is so overwhelming that it keeps you from calling to find out how your mother is doing, you can call either of your brothers.

Please don’t make me have to deal with your walking dildo.  He’s a profound idiot.

Let me tell you a little bit about supracondylar femur fractures above a total knee arthroplasty.  It’s a VERY difficult and touchy operation and it is rife with complications, especially for someone of Mom’s age.  And they’ve made your mother wait since 5am Saturday since she hurt herself.  She MAY have the operation today.  They can’t seem to bump any of the elective cases from the surgical schedule since they get full reimbursement from private insurance and not so much from Medicare.

If you want to call me, you know my number.  Or you can call Joe.

Or, you can continue being “Shelly Rickard”, dipshit wife of a dipshit deadbeat who is bleeding you for everything you have.  The choices you make are the ones you will live with for the rest of your life.

You are my sister.  I love you.  But I seriously… SERIOUSLY… question your judgment and mental stability.

That being said…


Before she responded, the corpus callosum with arms wrote back.

He still thought he was talking to Becki…

You can apologize to me for all your personal attacks. I have left you alone and every chance you get. You are throwing barbs. Well fuck you if you impersonate someone and then post something on my wall you F*cking Crazy Bipolar C*nt! See a doctor because your meds aren’t cutting it.

The whole relationship problem between Shelly and her mother is between them. It was caused by you because you are such a wonderful daughter and sister.

You can chose friends. You can’t chose family. You were a f*cking random mistake of a sister. You love your sister so much. That you can’t keep your big fat mouth shut and act civilized. Ever.

Cheers :D

So I replied.

See, this is why nobody likes you.  You are AMAZINGLY stupid.  You’re not TALKING to Becki,  you remarkable DUNCE!

GOD, what a MAGNIFICENT idiot!

Not that you DESERVE an explanation (or ANY display of human kindness), but your wife’s reaction to her psychotic episode in which she believes Becki “MIIIIIIND CONTROOOOOLED ME” into commenting (perfectly politely, mind you) on her SOOOOPER ATHEIST blog has made it impossible for anyone in her “family” to contact her in case of emergency.  So the creation of Rhonda was something we ALL agreed upon Mom included so that in case something happened we’d have some way to let Micki know about it.  Rhonda has been following you for MONTHS, Sparky!  The only reason you KNOW about her is because she TOLD you because Mom wants Micki to know she’s in the hospital.

You might wanna see a doctor yourself, Skippy.  “Rage” as an initial reaction to a stressful situation, that’s pathologic.  If your first reaction to news about your wife’s mother’s health is to call the person informing her a “c*nt,” that says a great deal more about you than it does her!  And your concern for your mother-in-law’s health?  I’m moved to tears.

The word is “choose.”  Not “chose.”  “Choose” signifies doing something in the present tense.  “Chose” indicates something done in the past tense.  And the incomplete sentences you use?  Sweet Jesus, I know 4th graders with better grammar.  You’re as good a wordsmith as you are a photographer.

Now, go get a job.

Then, I sent a follow-up.

See, Brooksy… the lesson here is this.

When someone contacts you to inform you that your wife’s mother is in the hospital, even if she is snarky in doing so (and she was), the NORMAL PERSON’s reaction is to step away from the computer, go hold the wife’s hand and gently inform her that her mother is in the hospital with a broken femur.

The ABNORMAL, PSYCHOTIC person’s reaction is to dig up an old post made by the person in question and posting the word “c*nt.”

See the difference there, Scooter?  I wouldn’t even be involved in this, but outsiders like you, especially deadbeat losers who are being chased down by creditors and sued for their last nickel when they don’t even have a JOB… they don’t GET to call my sister that word.

We understand each other now?

He replied.

Well Billy Boy. Clever girl you are. :)   Have fun…

To which I said…


The fact that you think calling me a “girl” is an insult says a great deal about your level of misogyny.  Look it up.

Now, back to looking for gruesome videos to post on your SOOOOOOPER ATHEIST Facebook page… see, Rhonda wasn’t the ONLY one keeping an eye on you.  See if you can guess which of your OTHER “Facebook Friends” I am!

(What a MAGNIFICENT idiot!)

The best thing about engaging in a war of words with a dumbass is that the dumbass generally doesn’t know when he’s whipped.

That’s why he sent this…

See you can’t seem to get it through your thick skull. You are as much an ass as her. So boo hoo Becki got called a cunt. Shelly knows. She tried to call hospital but her mom wasn’t there…Since you and Bex want to pretend your needed and are with holding the phone number. You are the ones being petty and dickwads. If you cared you should have sent the number in the first place…but mom has to wait while her fucking loser siblings pretend they are good people. So try pretending your civilized and shut the f*ck up. Send the number to her mom. Shelly did not want to talk to you two.

Which begged the response…

See, that’s where you’re wrong again.  I don’t have Mom’s hospital phone number.  It was her decision.  She gave orders no visitors, no incoming phone calls until she’s on the mend.  I’m in Maryland, respecting her wishes.  Mom knows Micki would be at the hospital making a scene.

She is in great pain and doesn’t want to talk to anyone on the phone.  I will let Micki know when Mom gets home, and she can call her there.  Same deal as I get.  You would understand that if you had more than a functioning brainstem.

Now, don’t you have some more gruesome pics to post on your Facebook page?

Shelly?  Did you buy a turtle?  My sister’s name is Michele.  Or, Micki.

(Such a REMARKABLE simpleton it is!)

Have you guessed which of your FB pals I am yet?  Here’s a clue.  Compare Micki’s friends to yours.

Toodles, nitwit!

Then Micki, or Shelly (take your pick) finally replied.

The stalker COULD have given me the number to nurse’s station. She did not. Instead, she said I had to call her, that I need the family more than it needs me (which we all know is not true), and all sorts of melodramatic crazy bullshit.

If you want to give me the number to the nurse’s station and make sure I can get information, please do. Other than that, do not contact me again.

I’ve asked you both time and again to leave us alone, but you can’t seem to handle that simple request. Were you really pleased with yourself for stalking us through Mary’s puppy on that website? Sick fucker.

Reagaring my husband: The reason you both have a problem with him is that he convinced me to cut off CRAZY once and for all. You have no reason to make any sort of accusations against him; the loss of compliant Micki is just too much for you obsessive control freaks. I’m f*cking Mensa, you dumb f*cker. I am not stupid nor am I a “mark” for Brooks. I CHOSE to be with him and you all chose to be crazy assholes. Tough decision, that one.

Because we share genetic material does not give you any special rights. You two couldn’t behave yourselves so I cut you off. That was your choice.

NORMAL people who are actually concerned about their mother would give me a phone number, room number or something so I could make contact with her or the nurses; maybe even send cards or flowers. But when I called the hospital, they would not give me any information, probably because crazy bitch set it up that way thinking I would have to call her.

So, you can give me a number and access to reach Mom or not. Your choice. If you decide to be a decent person and do that, great. Then leave me alone. You can SERIOUSLY QUESTION whatever the f*ck you want. I was through playing with you two long ago.

Well, a SOOPER GENIUS wouldn’t misspell “regarding”… but I replied anyway…<

Oh, sweetMensa.  Get that on the Internet did ya?

I did a test like that, and it says I’m an “empathizer.”

I don’t have the phone number.  Mom specifically said she wanted no incoming calls or visitors until she’s on the mend.  I should ignore Mom’s wishes?

As as far as the “stalker”?  You left no choice.  We all agreed… me, Bex, Mom and Joe, to create a FB avatar just so we could notify you in case of an emergency.  Becki broke her cover today a little snarkier than I would have, but whatchagonna do?

Now… see if you can guess which FB friend I am?  Which one JOE is?  Which one is with the CIA or FBI!  Or (oooooh!) with the VATICAN

My puppies were cuter.  I saw a link to cute puppies.  It was only a side benefit that it got you and dickhead annoyed.


I repeat.  I do not have the number because your mother doesn’t want to be called until after the surgery and she feels better… and she knows you would be at the hospital making a scene like you did at Bob’s funeral, like you did at Jack’s funeral, like you would have done at Sis’s remembrance if you hadn’t been so pissed at me for being KING OF ALL SCHMALFELDTS!!!

(“I just wanna say (sniff!) that I loved my brother (blubber!) and I won’t be satisfied (weep!) until I bring EVERYONE in the room down after that inspirational euology.  (waaaah!)”

Mensa!  That’s rich stuff.  Remember when you had a brain tumor that turned out to be a tooth abscess?

MensaHardee f*ckin’ har har!  Joe and I had a good laugh over that one last time we had dinner in Nashville.  Did you get a CERTIFICATE?  How much did they charge you for THAT?

I will let you know when Mom gets out of surgery and gets home and you can call her there.  We just wanted you to know she was in the hospital.

Mission Accomplished!

Oh, about Brooks… got a job yet?  Or are YOU paying for that nice boat with the big fishies with the pink ribbons and peace symbol.  Wouldn’t that money be better used to pay off the judgments against him?

But don’t worry.  The money will start flowing soon, no doubt.  He’s as good a photographer as he is a writer.

Like I said, I’ll let you know when Mom is out of surgery and will send you daily updates until she gets home.  Then… just like the rest of us… you may call her.

Because you are my sister.  And I love you.

(The walking dildo?  Not much use for him.  But you pays yer dime, you takes yer chances.)

Nowhere in that exchange with the shaft with arms or my sister did EITHER of them express the slightest CONCERN about my mother who at this moment is STILL awaiting a room in the OR.  The testicle with a nose was more concerned about calling names, and my sister is still convinced that Becki has this mind control hoodoo going on.

My parents always said, if one person thinks you’re a jerk, you can tell yourself it’s just one person.  But if EVERYONE tells you, then YOU might have a problem.

Becki and I have no problems at all talking to my brother Joe, my brother-in-law Dave, my sisters-in-law Lori and Kelli.  We had no problems with Cindi or Jack or Bob when they were alive.  BUT THEY ALL HAD (and the living ones CONTINUE to have) problems with Mickey Mensa!

I wonder why THAT is…

Mensa!  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

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