The dark and eternal spirit essence that infests the weakening body of a former Wyoming congressman issued a pronouncement today, declaring its human host is “recovering” after having a fifth goat heart implanted in its frail chest.
“The one you call ‘Cheney’ will recover,” the other-worldy essence burbled to a pool reporter chosen at random and magically whisked into the dark one’s presence in the netherworld.
“I will use this body a while longer, as it suits me,” the dark spirit chortled.
According to the doctors who performed the surgery, who have begged not to be identified, this fifth goat heart will serve to relieve some of the pressure on the four previous goat hearts currently throbbing in the former defense secretary’s chest.
The pool reporter asked why the dark spirit didn’t just “let Cheney go” saying that Cheney’s daughter would be a suitable host if needed.
The room filled with the odor of sulfur and brimstone as the demon’s booming laughter caused the walls to tremble and the reporter’s eardrums to burst.
“Yessssssssss…. a FEMALE entity next time. But not the Cheney female. My next host will be strong, wear much makeup and be able to drop a moose with a single shot. Now BEGONE!”
With a wave of its claw, the spirit dismissed the pool reporter who woke up, he thinks, hours later in a New Jersey truck stop bathroom.