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Hating Keith Olbermann for Fun and Gold Coins

Posted Aug 29 2010 2:55pm

I’ve always wondered about people who don’t have two gold coins to rub together who support guys like , , and the bleached blonde robot cadre on .  If you ASK these people why they support Rush, Sean, Glenn and the blondes, they’ll likely answer that “they get the REAL news” from them, not that washed over spun-down crap they get from the “lamestream media.”

I think people like Rush and Sean and Glenn and those of the bleached blondes who actually understand the concept LAUGH at their defenders, knowing that the lower middle class they represent will fare the WORST when the GOP takes control of the and the Senate and, eventually, the House.  They won’t do it in public, mind you, like Lonesome Rhodes in “A Face in the Crowd.”  But I’m sure they do it in private, over brandy and cigars and viagra.

I mean, how can they NOT?  These same people, almost exclusively white, uneducated, scraping to make a living, actually seem to BELIEVE that voting for REPUBLICANS is IN THEIR BEST INTEREST!

“See, that Obamer feller what they got up there now, he’s one-a them commie marxist fascist socialist MUSLIMS and he’s a-gonna raise our taxes even MORE than what he already HAS because he has a deep-seated hatred for typical white folks like US!”

Never mind he HASN’T raised taxes, he’s LOWERED them, and the tax hike coming up at the end of the year was CREATED by REPUBLICANS so they could jam the Bush Tax Cuts down our throats.  But, that’s the message they get from Rush and Sean and Glenn and the blondes.  And these are the people who SOOTHE their jangled nerves.  Who TELL them that they’re not racists!  They’re just misunderstood!  Their fears are justified!  Their prejudices are understandable.  After all, RAPPERS use that word all the time and no one calls THEM “racists!” And they want what YOU HAVE!  They want to live from paycheck to paycheck, worrying about their bills, worrying about the Muslims… THE MUSLIMS… who want to build a community center right on the pile of good bones at Ground Zero.

Maybe there ARE two sides to the story.  Maybe I’m not being fair.

Hang on for a moment so I can channel the spirit of John Birch… and if he’s busy, maybe Joe McCarthy is available.

(And here, I am possessed by the spirit of the Tea Party… I am overwhelmed by PATRIOTISM and the LOVE of RICH PEOPLE and the FEAR of people who LOOK and WORSHIP and LOVE differently than I do!)

You’re not wrong, Mr. and Mrs. Uneducated, Lower Middle Class, White America!  WE understand you.  WE love you.  WE will take care of you.  THEY HATE YOU, Mr. and Mrs. Uneducated, Lower Middle Class, White America!  THOSE people.  The effete, elite, sharp dressing, well-coiffed (look it up) EASTERN LIBRUHL ESTABLISHMENT!  And you know who hates you worstest of ALL?

Just LOOK at the man, with his well-combed hair, his perfect teeth, his nice suits.  He has one of them TEE-VEE shows where he MOCKS lower middle class uneducated white Americans like you.  Maybe not DIRECTLY, but by mocking Rush and Sean and Bill-o and Glenn and the robot blondes at Fox, he IS mocking you because YOU LOVE Rush and Sean and Bill-o and Glenn and the robot blondes because THEY MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD!  Their voices are music to your ears!  They tell you it’s OK to hate the “welfare queens” who gobble up all your tax money.  They tell you it’s OK to fear all Black people because of those scary three guys who might have maybe possibly intimidated voters in Philadelphia at a precinct that wouldn’t vote for McCain if he were the only name on the ballot.  It’s OK to hate “them” because THEY used AGENCIES like ACORN to get SWEETHEART DEALS that YOU can’t get cuz you’re WHITE!  And the whole economic collapse?  YOU know who’s fault it is!  THEIRS!  If they hadn’t been stupid enough to be tricked by slick Wall Street-trained banking professionals into taking mortages they couldn’t afford, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!  (At least, what was SUPPOSED to happen would have happened… that is these dumbass poor people present company excepted, of course would have bought houses they couldn’t pay for, the banks would have repossessed and resold the houses at a HUGE PROFIT if only the housing boom had continued… which it didn’t, and the banks got stuck with wads of useless paper that President Bush had to buy back knowing full well he was on his way out the door and you would blame his successor for the mess he made.) They tell you it’s OK to FEAR and HATE and BE AFRAID of men who love men (not so much women who love women, because who DOESN’T have one of THOSE videos) who want to RUIN marriage and the family by getting married and having families, and if we give them what they want, our 50% divorce rate could rise as high as 54, maybe 55%.  Unless we include gay marriages, cuz those folks tend to stay a couple once they find true love.

Yes!  The REAL enemy is KEITH OLBERMANN!  When he’s not at a Yankees game or tending to a dying parent, he’s on the TEE VEE every weekday night pointing out what HE calls the REAL AGENDA of the Tea Party.  (Well, maybe not the Tea Party, as they haven’t really come up with an agenda other than they hate Obama and Pelosi and Reid just like they’ve been told to.  But the GOP!) Yeah!  He talks about THEIR agenda, which is the only REAL agenda that makes any sense!  Stall!  Drag things out!  Whine about not getting invited to discuss policy, then when you are and your ideas are incorporated into the final bill, VOTE AGAINST IT ANYWAY!  Don’t give this Obama, this OUTSIDER, this FOREIGNER, this NI-, well, Dr. Laura would know what to call him… don’t let him have a SINGLE VICTORY (other than the ones he’s forged, minor though they may be).  WE know that the white, lower-middle-class, uneducated folks like YOU will find HIM an EASY target to blame!  And to make sure you vote the way you’re supposed to, we keep encouraging the lowest among you, the mouth-breathing morons with COMPUTER ACCESS to LIE about Obama… and his AMEN CHOIR in the media, which at the moment seems pretty limited to Olbermann and .

Just look at some of these REAL TWEETS from REAL PEOPLE who UNDERSTAND ‘s true intent!

From someone called @marshallsheldon

Well, maybe this isn’t such a good example.  Olbermann told Marshall that 2,000,000 nightly viewers is MORE than the 87,000 people that showed up at Glenn’s rally.  To Marshall, that means HE WON THE FIGHT!!!!  We’re sad to say that getting the other kid’s knuckles all bloody with your face generally means you LOST, but at least Marshall’s SPIRIT is high!

And speaking of “high…”

Johnny Swift, aka @ObamaDefense, said the following…

But our FAVORITE BY FAR is the Hot Mama who goes by the handle @ConservativeGal.  These are all on her FRONT PAGE of Tweets right now!

We’ll excuse her for saying the DEMS said it was 87,000 people when actually it was an independent organization that took photos of the crowd from the air and did scientific analysis… but WE know how BOGUS science is!

And it’s not just on TWITTER you find the Olbermann hatred!

So you SEE?  YOU’RE NOT ALONE, Tweeters!  WE HAVE AN ARMY A DICK ARMEY of folks out there who STAND WITH YOU in YOUR GOD GIVEN RIGHT to TURN THE GOVERNMENT BACK OVER to THOSE WHO KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT!  The folks who will ENSURE that the upper 2% get to KEEP that tax break at your expense.  The folks who will TIE Social Security to the Stock Market (because once we’re in charge, the Dow Jones will SKYROCKET!  WAIT AND SEE!  And if it doesn’t?  Oh well.  Them’s the breaks.) The folks who will CUT those wasteful Medicare benefits.  And if you tell us there’s a benefit you WANT?  A benefit you NEED?  WE’LL GIVE IT TO YOU!

We’ll give you an America where people WON’T criticize your bad spelling and horrible punctuation.  A country where STUPID is chic!  Where you can go to jail if you SAY the word “chic.”  An America where you will be considered SMART if you pay more than market value for gold coins and survival seeds to plant in case… well, just in case.   Incurious, uneducated, “I ain’t never read no books or nuthin’” folks will roam the halls of Congress, representing YOU!  Folks who know you don’t CARE about oil in the Gulf or injustice on our streets or the un-level playing field among the races, or the rape of the First Amendment as we deny Muslims a place to worship (or even to LIVE if we REALLY get our way), a place where the guilty must prove themselves innocent, where if you LOOK Mexican you’d better have your friggin’ papers handy and if you were born here and don’t HAVE papers?  Adios, Pancho! A place where up is down and night is day and wrong is right and 2+2=5, and Oceania has ALWAYS been at war with Eastasia!

People who KNOW that you’re just a God-fearing (and by that, we mean Christian with an exception for Catholics and Jews, as long as they provide a service) American who believes in the FLAG and that for which it stands, one nation, under GOD!  With Liberty and Justice for ALL!!!*

(* for those who can afford a good lawyer…)

People who KNOW that you love and respect the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, except where they give rights to criminals and Mexicans and babies that are born here to illegal parents.  (And that First Amendment could use some tweaking, too.  And the 14th while we’re at it.  In fact, we should take a look at the whole darn thing and throw out the parts we don’t like…)

Just watch the runup to November as our GOP candidates trip over themselves trying to outstupid each other so that stupid people will IDENTIFY with them and rush to the polls (if they can find them or figure out how to start the car) and VOTE for them.

So stay with us, lower-middle-class, uneducated, unsophisticated, mouth-breathing, white folks.  Keep listening to Rush and Glenn and Sean and Bill-o and Laura and Sarah Palin and all the OTHER rich white folks who want to KEEP being rich white folks without paying their fair share of the cost of government.


Don’t take the risk of watching for yourselves.  The man is a charmer.  He’s like a snake oil salesman.  He might FOOL you into BELIEVING him.  And we might lose you.

If we lose YOU… we LOSE!

(Parky Bill shakes his head, snaps out of his self-hypnosis and is shocked, shocked I tell you, at what he just wrote.)

I'm a 55-year old government writer-editor, diagnosed with Parkinson's disease in 2000. I had deep brain stimulation in 2007. I wrote a book about the experience that I offer for sale on the "Books" section at the top of the page. All proceeds will go to PD Research.
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